Just For Thought

Feed your heart...

2012-02-13T10:14:00.000-08:00

Life can get so busy, it's important that everyone take some time out to feed yourself. Not real food but heart food. It's all about being healthy right? Body, mind and soul? It's too easy to forget to schedule the type of moments that are going to feed your heart and soul. This past week, I had many of them and my heart is so full.

I started the week with a coffee date with my favorite pregnant lady, Kortney. It's always so nice to see her, and while we know each other so well, we haven't spent much time face to face. It's hard to explain when I have to write it down but I guess it's just the beauty of the current world we live in. Two people can express themselves so deeply and honestly through the internet, that you can learn so much about someone with rarely meeting face to face. We're both busy girls, but I know moving forward I want to make an effort to see her smiling face more often! Connections can grow in the strangest places.

Then midweek, I celebrated the birthday of my friend Lyndsay's mom. Darrien just turned 50 and it was a surprise party. She was genuinely surprised, and anyone whose experienced one of those moments knows they are very special and heartwarming. I have been friends with Lyndsay for over a decade now, and we've been through many things together in life. We are at different stages now and don't see each other enough, but I spent my high school years being raised as a part of her family as well as my own. I have strong connections to many members of her family and it was so nice to feed those relationships.

Finally on Friday, I got to see someone very special to my heart perform. She is an old HS counselor/teacher and it was absolutely amazing to see her perform. She plays in a two person band, and they play acoustic style folk music. She is so warm and genuine and it shines through her at every moment. Words cannot really express how I felt to see her again and see her express herself through music, it was pretty special. Ron and I went out together and made a date of it. She dedicated a song to me, and it's always wonderful to see someone you have history with. I can honestly say over the years she has become my friend, someone who holds a special place deep within my heart. One of those people who it doesn't matter how much time has passed since you've spoke or met, every time feels like it was only yesterday. Ron and I finished the night by heading out to a dirty Vancouver bar to listen to Ron's friends band play, and they did a Rolling Stones tribute. They were good, but the bar isn't really my thing. I usually just drink and people watch, which I did and it was surely entertaining. It was a diverse night of musics and venues for us, we went from a coffeehouse style venue with acoustic music, to a seedy bar that smelled like stale beer and pee. Good times.

All I know now is that is was an amazing week, and my heart is full. If you feel like something is missing in your life, then take some time and feed your heart!

Happy Family

2012-02-06T10:52:00.000-08:00

It was busy at the MacDonald-Stopa house this weekend. Friday night started with an easy dinner of pizza and salad, then we were off to the pool. I ran for 45 minutes and then met my family in the pool.

Saturday morning was ballet where a mom brought up parenting and discipline and I just tried to bite my tongue. Not the type of conversation I want to have with the other moms at dance. I managed to avoid any in depth conversation, thankfully. Mackenzie did great at ballet, and she was pleased with herself. Then it was soccer for Riley, it was sunny and beautiful out and they won 6-1. Saturday night we were at the pool again. Active kids are happy kids, right?

Sunday morning was coffee and cartoons, then I took Mackenzie to visit with my mom while I went to the gym and worked out for an hour. I am nice and sore today, which is always a good sign. In the afternoon, Riley headed to the pool with his friends for round three. I even managed to get almost all the cleaning done. Needless to say, we had a great weekend and everyone had a smile on their face this morning.

The 'Executive' Mother

2012-02-03T15:58:00.000-08:00

Wanna take a test to determine your parenting style? Your strength and weakness? When you have a little spare time to focus, go and take the test, and I am sure you will be surprised how accurate it is.

Here are my results:

ENTJ – The "Executive" Mother (Extraverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging)

Competent and confident in a management role, the ENTJ mother organizes the needs and schedules of family members into a workable family system. Within the system, she provides her children with care-taking, direction, and limits, but she also gives them space to develop their own self-sufficiency and judgment.

"My mind is always going. How can I fine-tune the system to everyone's advantage?"

Analytical and adept at problem-solving, the ENTJ mother listens to her children's concerns empathetically and then strategizes with them how to improve the situation—either by intervening on their behalf or backing off to let them solve problems on their own. She particularly enjoys watching them take responsibility and accomplish something they find important on their own.

Intense and insightful, the ENTJ mother is cued in to her children's intellectual and emotional development. She uses her quickness and communication skills to talk things through and help her children connect with people and better understand life.

Tips

The ENTJ could benefit from some unstructured time for herself and her family. She needs to factor "unrushed time" into the family system. Scheduling a slow morning after a major push on a project or building in an hour of downtime mid-day can help her recharge with the time she needs to regroup and relax.
The ENTJ mother needs to examine realistically—and ultimately reject for herself—the myth of the "supermom." If she can accept her human vulnerabilities and limitations, she will not only enjoy life and her children more fully, she will also avoid passing on her legacy of "perfection" to the next generation.

Strengths

Commitment to a family system. Energetic and hard working, the ENTJ mother organizes a family system designed to bring out the best in each family member. Her children feel secure that someone competent is in charge, things are in order, and their needs are being addressed fairly.
Fostering independence. The ENTJ mother is focused on building her children's competence and self-sufficiency by allowing choices and autonomy within a structured family environment. She is constantly seeking the optimum balance between being directive and increasingly giving a child the freedom to make his or her own decisions.
Problem-solving. The ENTJ mother is a natural strategist and teacher. She helps children of any age think through solutions to a variety of situations, pointing out options, offering her analysis and perceptions, and instilling a "can do" attitude. When appropriate, she advocates for children at school or in any system where their best interests are not being addressed.
In-depth conversations. The ENTJ mother stimulates her children's intellectual development by engaging them in thought-provoking conversations. Interested in what they're thinking, she listens with respect, perception, and empathy. She uses ordinary life events to explain connections and broad meanings as well as to challenge children to think logically and analytically.

Struggles

Busyness. Fast paced and tightly scheduled, the ENTJ mother finds it difficult to slow down to a "normal" pace and be flexible to changes in plans. More often than she'd like, she finds herself rushing and telling her children to "hurry up." Frequently over-scheduled and over-committed, she may worry she's not as available to her children as she'd like to be on a regular basis.
Self-criticism. Intensely committed and wanting to be equally competent at work and family, the ENTJ mother struggles to live up to her "superhuman" expectations for herself. She may find herself constantly assessing her performance, confident about what she did well but even more self-critical when she thinks she should have done more.
Letting feelings "be." The ENTJ struggles to be patient with children's feelings. She is more comfortable trying to solve the problem and getting on with things than letting children experience unpleasant feelings for a while.

I would have never imagined how accurate these results would be. There are somethings that I've already tackled though. I don't think I over-schedule my family at all, or put anyone in the situation to feel pressure in their daily life. We have a specific schedule for things and we rarely deviate, but Mackenzie and Riley will never be enrolled in 5 activities with something different to do each day. Never. Alone-time and time for relaxing is very important in our house, and not just on weekends. I have also managed to tackle the self-criticism. I don't do the superhuman "Super Mom" thing. As for the letting feelings "be" I would still consider myself a work in progress, though I don't accommodate every negative feeling with a solution, and I can manage contentment. Otherwise, it's pretty much the story of my life!

If I won the lottery...

2012-02-03T08:38:00.000-08:00

Do you ever take a minute and think about what you would do if you won the lottery? Every once and a while I do, I don't buy tickets so the odds of me winning if I are impossible but it's still nice to think about sometimes. Money isn't the end all and be all of happiness. I believe the saying is money doesn't buy happiness which couldn't be more true. Though money does make life easier, which can contribute to happiness as long as all the other factors are there.

The lottery jackpots in the states are ridiculous, recently I heard about a $150,000,000 winner. It's hard to imagine that but surely you'd have enough money to spread some kindness worldwide which I'm sure most people would imagine. I'd usually fantasize about more like $50,000,000. I think about all the friends I have who I'd like to give $500,000 to so that they could buy a house(or around here, most of a house). Having a house paid for would considerably lesson a person's daily stress and worries. Not to mention it would give them a good investment for their future, whatever they decide to do. I'd love to buy my Grandma a summer home in the Okanagan on the lake like she's always dreamed about. I'd buy my mom a house, wherever she wanted, buy her a new vehicle and send her on a vacation. I'd love to give lots of family members some money, the whole concept of share the wealth.

I would make a considerable donation to Mackenzie's current daycare/preschool because we love it, and I'd love to support anything they could do to make it even more enjoyable and educational for the children. I'd also encourage her to open an after-school care program so Mackenzie could stay well into her school years. We would definitely hire a cook, someone to do all the grocery shopping, meal planning and preparation. It would be wonderful if they could do everything from scratch using all organic ingredients, and when I say everything, I mean everything from pasta to mayonnaise. We wouldn't move but we would probably try and buy the current home we are renting (we love our neighborhood), and of course do a considerable amount of updates. New windows, electrical, etc. If I could afford it I would love to have the most energy efficient home possible, including the use of solar panels.

We would donate probably 10% of our winners to charity both local and international. There are so many wonderful organizations out there it would be hard to decide on only a few.

I'd quite working and I'd go to school to become a doctor. I'm not sure exactly what specialty I'd like but if I had endless funds, I would love to take the time to complete University and Medical School. When I finished I could volunteer my time, and it would make things even more rewarding. I would do my best to set up the most flexible school schedule so I would still have time to do all the drop-offs and pick-ups, make recreational activities, and have plenty of home time with my family. Surely more than I am able to enjoy now. If this wasn't possible, it is still something I would pursue, and between Ron and I we'd make it work. Honestly, the only thing stopping me from doing this now is the financial burden I would be putting on my family, it wouldn't be fair.

We wouldn't go crazy buying things, and I don't imagine we'd live much different than we do now. Life would just be easier. We could take a vacation every year and Ron would never have to work another weekend again. I'm not sure what he would decide to do as far as filling his time, though I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to stay home each day either.

I know this post is totally ridiculous and I don't actually think I'll ever win the lottery. But hey, a girl can dream right?

2012-02-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

Here is an article for your reading pleasure. Reminds me of the whole mother-inside-the-women thing. The struggle to remember that life still exists outside the family after you've had a child. We get so many mixed messages, it can be hard to find what's right for us. When I say mixed messages I mean there are 2 ways of thinking:

The money I make working pays for a better life for my child(ren).
My children have a better life because I don't work.

Both of these are completely legitimate and equally true depending of what works best for you.The balance of raising strong independent children that will know you can be a great parent, good person, and exceptional employee, whichever you decide you want, and if you work hard you can do it all. Growing up I always imagined myself being a SAHM, but truth be told now I'd like my daughter to find the same balance I have when she's older. The balance of personal growth and family life. It's hard, and some days I'd rather just stay home with her, take her to the park and cook a good breakfast for Riley before school but we persevere and it's so worth it!

The Universe will provide...

2012-01-31T15:03:00.000-08:00

...you exactly what you need, most of the time. Don't worry though, I don't believe if I just sit around things will come to me but I do believe good or bad, if you put it out there it'll happen. What did I need? A reason to wait, and now I have one. My reason? I need to look for a new job. I had a feeling things would turn out this way and they have. They are restructuring the administrative system at my work which means my position will be a 30hr/week position. This would be great if I got paid $5 more an hour and it was located in Delta, but life's not perfect! So next week I'll be starting my cushy hours and I'm already on the hunt for something different, hopefully something better with 3 months probation so I'll be finished it before August, so I can you know...

Need a little help...

2012-01-30T08:18:00.000-08:00

I am really having a hard time remembering why I want to wait until summer to try for baby #2. I've never been very good at being patient with life. I tend to act quickly in most instances because I'd hate to let an opportunity pass me by. I don't believe this is one of those situations where I am going to expire in the next 6 months, but I'm just so eager. Few will understand this but being pregnant and giving birth is luck a drug the best one you could imagine and it'll leave you wanting more(if all goes well). I just need some good reminders on why being patient is better. I need to have a little faith in life, a little faith that if I wait, maybe, just maybe things will turn out exactly as I have imagined them. So could you be a good reader and remind me why waiting is good? I need a little reality check! Please and Thank you!

Food For Thought...

2012-01-23T15:40:00.001-08:00

Why are we excited for a 14 year old son going on a movie date with a girl, and terrified when our 14 year old daughter has a movie date with a boy?

Ultimate Fighter for a Mom...

2012-01-23T13:49:00.000-08:00

I read this article the other day and it really got me thinking. Why is it so hard for Moms to practice what we preach? We tell our kids not to judge others, and to be accepting and open. If you don't, well then I'd ~~judge you~~ understand.

Why do so many mothers think that any way other than their own must be wrong? Why do people assume their child's large vocabulary is a result of their exceptional parenting? Why do mothers blame themselves when their baby doesn't crawl or walk first?

It seems to me that the easiest thing to do isn't to be open and understanding of the fact that different parenting styles make the world go round, but on the contrary the easiest thing to do is climb on that high horse and think your kids the best. They are happier and healthier than all the rest. Now, not all mothers are like this but we all have our moments, some of us recognize our faults, accept them and change our behaviors. Others secretly walk around thinking they have all the answers.

When I think about the reasons behind this type of thinking, I imagine it has something to do with a mother's instinct to love and always stand by her child. Mothers put their children on a pedestal and build them up to be the greatest in their minds, this strengthens the bond and encourages long term bonding. Maybe? What I wonder though, is does it always have to be at the detriment of other children? Why are mother's always comparing their son to the little boy down the street? Isn't it more important to gauge success and development against the child themselves? Their strengths and weaknesses? We all know that the true success of an adult can only really be measured by their happiness. We all decide what our success is and if we attain it and achieve our goals, who can really judge that? What's valuable in life is relative, so is success. If we understand this as adults, why is it so hard to extend the same luxury to our children?

There are so many things that play into this competitive nature. Breastfeeding VS. Bottle-Feeding, Independent Sleep VS. Co-Sleeping, Natural Foods VS. Grocery Store Products, Working Mom VS. SAHM, the list could go on forever. Life doesn't have to always be a race. It's not always a competition.

Truth be told, I've been there and I'm over it. Nowadays, when I meet someone like this I'm just annoyed. I don't compare Mackenzie to other kids, I just compare her to herself. I'm not worried about what she can't do, even if she has a peer who can do it. It's not the end of the world. She won't be a failure if she's not a genius, and being an excellent student or artist won't ensure her future happiness.

I think it's time that everyone just pulls their head out of their asses and act a little more like the people we are hoping our children become. End Rant.

What's going on in my head...

2012-01-20T09:00:00.000-08:00

I have a bad case of baby fever, which isn't really that bad because I know I'd like to get pregnant this year, but we aren't taking the goalie out just yet. I'd like to get pregnant in August with the hope of a May baby, but we will probably start trying in June or July. We get what we get, and more important than birth month, or gender is a healthy baby. I think there is so much to be said for the opportunity to plan a pregnancy. I didn't plan Mackenzie but there is no doubt I wanted her more than anything. This time I have the luxury of being able to plan, and Ron and I have been planning for quite a while. I may have even told him on our 1st or 2nd date, that if he didn't want any more kids it would be a deal breaker. We knew we'd do ring, baby, wedding. It's still the plan.

The baby fever comes to play when all I can think about, and read about is pregnancy and birthing. Not to mention all the people I know who had babies around the same time Mackenzie was born, have either had a 2nd or are pregnant with a 2nd. My body knows it's time. I've been thinking about all my preferences, our desired plans, and what kind of delivery I'd like this time. Ron is very eager to be part of the pregnancy as well as labor and delivery. We make a great team with the family we already have so I am sure we will make a great team for that too.

There are a few things I know I want for sure.

First of which being a midwife over an OB. I want someone with a less medical view of labor and delivery, someone who thinks more about the natural god-given abilities of a mother to birth in a way that is best for her and the baby.
I want a very natural diet throughout pregnancy.
I'd like to be able to keep running as long as possible. I use an elliptical or AMT when I run, so I don't think impact will be much of an issue. Since I run 4-5 days a week typically, I'd like to continue that at a moderate pace for as long as possible in the pregnancy. I want to find a midwife that will support this. I think I am really good at listening to my body, and that I'll be able to to tailor my exercise in line with what my body and baby can handle.
I want a quiet and peaceful birth, I want to utilize all possible resources to stay more focused during labor. I'm not scared and I've experienced labor and delivery once, so with the next I want to draw from that experience to enhance the birthing for baby and myself.
I know we won't seek to find out the gender of the baby because I love the surprise and we are in a position where it truly doesn't matter. If we have a boy, our family will consist of three males and two females, if we have a girl it'll be three females and two males. Either way, we'll be happy.
I will not be buying any bottles before baby arrives, bottle feeding is normal to me, and common in my family. I don't want to fall back totally on what was done with me and what I ended up doing with Mackenzie too soon. I am going to breastfeed exclusively to 3 months, then I'll start with foods and cereals at this time, if the baby appears ready and receptive(Mackenzie started at 3 months). At this time I will continue to nurse during the day, but I will formula feed at night. I may decide to pump and just bottle feed at night. Nursing at night doesn't work with my idea of independent sleep, and nursing to sleep and co-sleeping are not things I encourage after 3 months. As time goes on I will continue to nurse until 1 year as a comfort thing, and for nutrition along with food and formula. This is just what I think will work best for the family, and what is in line with my personal preferences. I am very aware of sleep associations, so I plan on doing my best to avoid nursing being one. Don't judge, if you know how things went with Mackenzie this wouldn't be any news to you.
Placenta Encapsulation. When I first read about this I was so disgusted, but since researching it I've really come around to the idea. Once I thought about all the animals that do the same, it seemed so natural an obvious. The cost of having someone do the encapsulation isn't that high, so I'm almost 100% that we will do it. The question for me is, why not?
We will do all the recommended screening tests but nothing extra, we will not have a fancy ultrasound, though I would like to be at least 20 weeks so I don't have to go for a 2nd. I was only 18 weeks when I have my US with Mackenzie, and I had to go for a 2nd because the pictures of her heart weren't clear enough.

There are also several things Ron and I have discussed and are undecided about.

I am very interested in the idea of a home birth, with my concerns and anxiety being the only things in the way of a YES. I am not against the idea of a hospital birth, because I believe with a midwife I can still have the type of delivery I want regardless of it being at home or a hospital. Ron and I am sure my family would have concerns about a home birth, and the anxiety of others is not something I want during a home birth.
I've been reading about Hypnobabies and I found a place locally that provides the resources and instructors. This seems very intriguing and I know I'll need all the help I can get to refrain from screaming and swearing during pushing contractions. I'm very vocal. When I first heard about this I was completely sceptical and it actually seemed quite strange to me, but since I've done a little more research I see the positives, though there are some excerpts from related books that I've read that seem very, very strange. If we decide to try it, I am sure I will take what I like an leave what I don't.
We will also probably take a Sibling Parenting course, to learn some techniques to keep everyone happy because a 15 year old, a 4 1/2 year old, and a newborn isn't the most common sibling make up. It's not easy meeting the needs of everyone with the age difference. We'll be going to Disneyland and Riley likely will be going to the bar with his girlfriend and enjoying the house to himself. Scary.
We have talked about who we would like there with us, but we won't make any decisions until we are pregnant and about 6 months along I imagine. My Mom was there for Mackenzie's birth, Ron's Mom however didn't get to see Riley being born because he was a c-section baby. With the type of birth I am hoping for, I would love to give Ron's Mom the opportunity to be there for support and see her grandchild being born. Ron's Mom has a very calm demeanor(Ron got this from her) and I think she would be a great help to remind me of the energy I am looking for. I consider it a very special gift to see a child being born, one that I hope someone will give to me one day. I would like to have my sister there, but I am unsure if she would be comfortable and helpful. She is very sensitive and she may be scared or anxious. I would be open to my Mom being there as well, if she really wanted to be, I wouldn't say no. However, I would like to have no more than two people in addition to Ron.

My hopes for Mackenzie's birth were:

No epidural
No C-section
Healthy baby

While I did get all of those things, now that I know what to expect I have much higher expectations. I understand things may not go as I have hoped, though I will do my best to not be disappointed by the outcome because the number one goal is to make it out with a happy, healthy baby and Mama. I am also aware there is a chance that Ron and I may not be able to conceive, but I am not that worried because I am happy with the family I have. As much as I'd like to add to it, I also see the pro's if we were not able to have another baby. For example I'll be 41 when Mackenzie is 20, and Riley will be long moved out by then, Freedom! I think I got good baby genes from my Mom who flawlessly delivered 3 beautiful babies(after the 3rd she had her tubes tied and if she didn't she'd probably of had 3 more). She once said all it took for her to get pregnant was thinking about it. I imagine I got that good uterus, eggs, and ovaries as well. If I didn't, I'll make the best of it, no matter what because that's the type of living I believe in.

Martin Luther King Day

2012-01-16T11:26:00.000-08:00

Some words from the man of the day Martin Luther King :

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend."

May his spirit of acceptance and peace be with you today, and all days. When I was about 9 or 10 years old, I read his book "I have a dream" and my life was changed, forever. One day, I will buy that book for Mackenzie, and hope it can affect her as profoundly as it did me.

Much Love,

Ashley

Advice of the day...

2012-01-13T08:35:00.000-08:00

If you want to keep your relationship exciting, never forget that somebody out there wants what you have!

Or try this?

A story for kicks...

2012-01-12T20:10:00.000-08:00

I have a story about what happened on 01/11/2012, and you may find it funny or not, maybe even typical of any relationship who knows.

Ron had to get some benign skin tumors removed from his beautiful bald head(you probably wouldn't have even noticed them if you saw him). He decided to get them removed because he kept cutting them when he was shaving his head because they were slightly raised. Anyways, he saw the doctor, got recommended to a dermatologist and then a surgery was scheduled for removal. The doctor told Ron they would only use a local anesthetic, so we both assumed he'd be fine and allowed to drive himself home.

After waiting for hours in the waiting room yesterday dressed in a hospital gown (hilarious when I imagine it), he got into the prep area, and found out he'd have to get some IV sedation as well as local. IV sedation meant he wasn't allowed to drive home and I'd have to pick him up. I wasn't prepared or aware of this until the hospital called at 3:10 saying he'd be ready for pick-up in 30 minutes.

All of a sudden, I was like "OH NO", because I hadn't prepared for this, nor had he mentioned it so I could plan. The hospital was in Delta which meant I wouldn't have time to pick Mackenzie up early like I usually do(I hate when she's the last kid there). I called Morgan to see if he could pick her up, and while originally it seemed like a huge hassle he said if I needed him to he would. Next I had to ask to leave work 30 minutes early, which ended up being fine. I printed off directions from Google and I was on my way to get Ron. Then I realized his truck was there and he had to work today, so we didn't want to leave it down in Delta. Ron drives standard which means I couldn't just grab anyone to come with me and drive his truck home. First I tried my sister to see if she was with her boyfriend(who can drive standard), but she wasn't, I explained the story and she said she'd call him and see if I could pick him up. Meanwhile, I had to find a back-up plan in case he couldn't. I figured I'd call Ron's parents house, because maybe his Dad was home(he can also drive standard). He was home, and he was available for me to pick him up. I told him I'd be there in 25 minutes. By then, my sister was calling me back and I missed the call. So I'm trying to call her back to let her know, I got it figured out.

THEN, Ron calls and says they took the IV out so he just left. I started telling him how he wasn't supposed to drive, that I was coming to get him, and I was bringing his Dad to drive his truck home. Next, he tells me it's too late he's already in the truck driving. I was beyond annoyed! Firstly, there is a reason they called me to pick him up, and secondly I just went through all that to go pick him up. I basically told him what a pain in the ass he had been and that he had to call his Dad and explain why I wouldn't be coming to get him now.

By the time I got home, I didn't want to kick him in the butt. Thankfully for him. Next time he needs to plan it all out better, so I don't end up going through all of that just for him to deal with it himself. Men, can't live with them, can't live without them <3

Humility

2012-01-12T11:40:00.001-08:00

A Thousand Years

2012-01-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

**Lyrics from an amazing song by Christina Perri**

The most beautiful people...

2012-01-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

I want an iPhone...

2012-01-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

...really, really badly. The first reason I want one is blogger doesn't have an app for blogging for a blackberry. Second reason, my blackberry feels old now. I know that's a lame reason because I'm not usually one to want the latest and greatest but dammit I want an iPhone. There are more reasons that can be summed up by saying iPhone's are awesome!

My current phone provider is making it very difficult for me, and I could re-sign another contract and get the phone I want for $50.00 but it just doesn't make sense right now. So, unless I want to pay the $500 it will cost me to upgrade then I guess I will just have to wait. I'll probably wait but I'm still having a small fit in the meantime. I want what I want. Period. WAAAAA!

The drive home...

2012-01-09T15:53:00.000-08:00

I love my family more than anything, I really do. It's just that a mom doesn't get much time alone, and because of this I love my commute to and from work. The time alone, the coffee, the music! Most days, that simple time alone is the best part of my day, only because I know when it's over I'll be home with my family.

It's almost time for the drive home!

What's the best part of your day? When is your best alone time?

Much Love,

Ashley

True Love

2012-01-06T08:00:00.000-08:00

Just a girl and her Mama (and a little bit of toothpaste on Mackenzie's chin). This is true love!

Passing Time...

2012-01-04T09:07:00.000-08:00

It's been a slow week at work.

I love tea length dresses, the one above needs thick straps and no black, but I still love it!

Really! I love tea length dresses!

The best thing about a tea length dress would have to be the shoes, these models could have picked better shoes!

A New Generation?

2012-01-03T11:42:00.000-08:00

I am a parent to a child born into a new generation. A generation much different than the one I was born into. A generation where as an infant Mackenzie was entertained by an ipod. A generation where people learned of her existence through social media. A generation where people we know will be able to experience a small part of the journey of her growing up through the Internet. The Internet and social media will be something she has known her whole life, it will never be something new to her.

So here is the question. If she wants an itouch and knows how to use it, how weird would it be if we bought her one this year? What do you think the positives/negatives are?

Here are the guidelines that we would have around it. She would never take it out places, she'd have it to use at home and in the car only. We'd fill it child appropriate learning based apps, her favorite Dora episodes, Disney movies, and children's songs.We still haven't decided whether to buy new or used, the price difference isn't that great. What makes more sense a tablet or an ipod?

So tell me what you think? Am I crazy to think she's ready for this?

2011 Reflections

2012-01-03T10:14:00.000-08:00

I could have never foreseen the personal growth I would experience in 2011. The lessons I would learn, the direction I would gain.

I learned so much about myself, and my goals for the future. I was able to move past things that have been with me for many years now and let go of things I lost long ago. I gained a greater understanding of my past, the events that have contributed to the person I am today. I let go of important people from my past, and got back into touch with others.

In 2011, I finished school, and got the job I wanted. We moved, into the house we wanted. I bought a car, that I'm not in debt for. I took on a full-time job as a parent to two children as well as the job that helps pay the bills. I lost 30lbs of long overdue baby weight (with more to come). I had a countless amount of amazing moments with my family. I've become stronger, smarter and more driven in the direction I've chosen. I am stronger this year than last year. I know even more about myself and who I am. I've taken control of my life and what I want and have more happiness because of it.

Cheers to 2012!

Much Love,

Ashley XOXO

Plans for 2012

2012-01-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is but resolutions just seem to always end the same way, with failure. Why not just set goals for yourself? If you are like me, you are much more likely to achieve a goal than follow through with a resolution.

I plan on treating everything this year brings me with positivity. Inner strength is very important; having the strength to be positive and rational about all life's struggles. That's my most important goal. If I can perfect that one, it doesn't matter what life throws at me because I'll always turn it into something positive. I'll find happiness from within, today and always, one day at a time. This is how I try to live my life now, and I think I'm getting pretty good at it. I just plan to use the NY to focus my energy back to what's important as Christmas is always very distracting.

My next goal is back to the gym (I only went a couple times in December because I was so busy). I have some more weight I'm going to drop before my uterus opens for business this year. Which brings me to my next goal, baby #2. Don't expect any announcements any time soon, I'm hoping for a delivery date of late spring, early summer 2013. ~~If the world doesn't end.~~ Ron and I are hoping we end up with a date that will allow air travel in December 2012 because we are thinking about a winter vacation with the kids.

I'd like to be at my ideal weight before getting pregnant again, because my plans for my next pregnancy include being very active, and having a VERY healthy diet. I'd like my meals to adhere to strict guidelines consisting of whole grains, leans meats, fruits,vegetables and natural dairy products. I'd like to try and have an average size baby (7-8lbs) next time around(not another 9lb baby). I am aiming for another vaginal delivery(this time with a midwife and even fewer interventions), but hopefully with a smaller baby it won't take 2 days. Part of my preparation for baby #2 is starting to take vitamins now, and eliminating as many processed foods as possible as well limiting my consumption of foods with artificial/simulated additives. I'd like to cleanse my body of all of those things prior to conceiving, so that's where I am at for now. I look forward to the pregnancy and delivery experience with Ron. He is my greatest supporter and I feel that I will be able to have an even more life affirming experience with him there with me.

Another important goal, mostly for Ron, is that he finalizes his divorce. Yes, we are engaged and he is still married. It's complicated. He's been separated for 6 or 7 years with almost no contact. Custody and everything has already been dealt with in court, it's just the official divorce that he needs to finish up. If we can find her.

A goal we have as a family, is to continue to strive for an active lifestyle.We will be buying a family pass for Delta Parks and Rec, which will cost about $1100 for the year, but we will ensure it's worth every penny. My gym membership expires in April or May, so we will buy the family pass then. It's good for all Delta facilities including the outdoor pool less than 1 block from our house!

With spring and summer coming, we will focus our energy on giving our yard all the care and attention it needs. No doubt, we will spend most of our time outside once the sun comes back!

We hope to keep on track financially, and I'd like to pay off one of my student loans in full this year. We will be focusing on the healthy physical and emotional growth of our family; building strength in our relationships and helping our children grow to become the best they can be.

Come out...

2011-12-30T08:06:00.000-08:00

...Come out, wherever you are! All those readers out there and no one is commenting. It's nice to know so many people are reading but it would be much nicer if people left their thoughts and opinions from time to time. It's okay if you agree or disagree, even a "Hey" would do!

If you like reading, then you should know the more you comment the more motivation I'll have to write! Just saying!

Much Love,

The Blogger with lots of readers and no comments!

Sleep Training VS. Cry-It-Out VS. Neglect

2011-12-29T08:44:00.000-08:00

I am an advocate for sleep training. I didn't follow any particular method or book exactly. I mixed a little of this and a little of that to find something that worked for us. I am so thankful I started early with Mackenzie because now that I am working, life would be very difficult if we hadn't sleep trained. Mackenzie learned from sleep training that I will always come if she needs me, that bedtime is for sleeping - no exceptions, and that sleeping through the night takes practice.

The topics of sleeping training, CIO and Dr.Ferber are very controversial and most discussions become heated. I'm not sure why, because everybody needs to sleep. Parenting couldn't possibly be about right and wrong ways because every child and parent is different. If you are sitting there all smug thinking that you have it all figured out, or that whatever you do is the best thing around. Well, you are stupid. No one really has it all figured out, and the second you stop trying and think you got it, things change. What works for your baby might not work for the next, or what works for your neighbor won't work for you. What works for a two-parent family, might not work for a single mom. Just like what works for a SAHM might not work for a working parent.

Some parents believe they should focus on the needs of the infant, others think they should focus on preparing that infant for the rest of his/her's life. Reality is that the most effective parenting comes from a mix of researched information, others experiences and personal instinct. Not from just the most popular book, or what your own mother did. Anyone who follows someone's advise (published or not) exactly; is not doing themselves or their child any justice.

Could it be possible that all this controversy stems from some people's inability to think for themselves? An inability to logically rationalize through something to determine what will work and what won't? What's right and what's wrong?

This was the article that inspired this post. Cry-It-Out - The Method That Kills Baby Brain Cells?

I just don't understand why people are confusing neglect with sleep training. A child who is neglected and left to cry without soothing for hours is at risk of brain damage, this is proven. It is also proven that any type of child neglect can damage a child's developing brain. I just think people are jumping to conclusions that this must mean CIO causes brain damage. Like really? I guess parents who let their child cry without intervention might find it negatively effects their child. Most definitely there are parents out there who use CIO as an excuse for lack of parenting, but no doubt that is rare and extreme. People really think letting a child cry about bedtime causes then enough stress to be brain damaged? Bedtime should never be stressful, not as an infant or an adult. It can't be only me who finds this silly. Bedtime still has to be full of love and affection, a bath, a massage, a book, and plenty of cuddles. Sleep training is about teaching a child when all that is over and they are tucked into bed you aren't going to stay. You'll be back 100 times to tuck them back in and say good night, with love and kisses, but bedtime is bedtime.

We live in a world, of people with busy lives. Nowadays people schedule everything, even alone time as a couple. We have two parent working families, with very specific routines. Single mom's whose time alone once their children have gone to bed is their only sanity. It would be nice to live in a world where we could stay home with our children always. Sleep in with them, let them stay up until they fall asleep on their own. If only we all had the time and patience to lay down with our children each night. Reality is most of us don't have the luxury or sanity to live in that world.

That doesn't mean deciding it's bedtime, taking your infant to bed, turning out the light and leaving is appropriate parenting, nor should this be labelled CIO.

Then I read this article as a Case Against Ferber.

I really don't even know where to start with that one. First of all I think not starting until 3 months is wrong. Not that I think you should leave your newborn to cry, but there is no harm is laying down your small infant BEFORE they fall asleep so they can practice falling asleep on their own. Even if this is laying down in bed next to them, letting them look around and babble themselves to sleep. Introducing something like rocking or nursing to sleep is teaching a child to use that to fall asleep. Why not utilize the opportunity to help teach them how to fall asleep themselves with no attachments?

There are so many ways to do this. When Mackenzie was between 3 and 6 months, we had her crib pulled right next to my side of the bed, so when she woke I could be close to her but not constantly cuddling or holding. I was always there with her, so I could react to her NEEDS while maintaining a priority of independent sleep. We didn't carry on with this for months and months, but long enough to enforce security for her.

Then this post gets into topics that are clearly ridiculous. If your child cries so hard they throw up, you should probably look into alternative sleep training methods. If your child is extremely resistant and cries for hours, then you should also look into an alternative. If your child gets an ear infection from crying, things have clearly gone to far, you should try a different method. It is said that what has been proven is "sustained crying without adult reassurance causes babies'brains to develop less than optimally" which seems pretty clear to me, and also not like CIO or what Dr. Ferber talks about.

As a parent it is very important to use logic, common sense, along with love to find a balance between the basic needs of a child, and the needs of the family. This is a theme that extends to all aspects of child rearing. Most articles I read are extreme, even the articles in support of 100% attachment parenting and co-sleeping, neglect to cover any of the negatives. There has to be balance somewhere. A balance between nurturing and loving your child and rearing them towards healthy sleeping habits, and a strong sense of self in independence.

Even Dr. Ferber would dispute his work(he has), if that means people are leaving their small infants alone to cry.

People against CIO say that it creates adults with anxiety and insomnia. However, coming from a family that does not co-sleep we also have no instances of sleeps problems. Anxiety is a rising issue, that there is little evidence of a cause for. I would think there are many, many contributing factors, and that blaming one specific parenting choice seems odd. What about parents who yell, and spank? Wouldn't that be more likely to create anxiety?

People are so quick to criticize Ferber, CIO, or any sleep training for that matter as barbaric, neglectful, lack of parenting but we never talk about the issues of extreme attachment parenting. I won't get into them, but I know plenty of people who's parents believe in attachment parenting and they never grew and developed as they should have(okay let's just say their idiots, which may or not be a result of how they were parented or something else, one never can tell).

It's not about a right or wrong way, it's about a balance. A balance that will raise strong and sensitive, independent and loving, and driven patient adults. It doesn't matter how you get there, it only matters that you simply get there.

Holiday Highlights

2011-12-26T20:08:00.000-08:00

Christmas was amazing. Words can't accurately express everything so I've decided just to share a few pictures.

Surely the coffee from Christmas dreams! New Tassimo = Latte with Baileys!

I am engaged! Seriously! Look at that diamond! AMAZING! (And those super dry winter hands. Yuck.)

My first turkey! Looks good, tasted even better! 28lbs of bird!

The doll house of Mackenzie's dreams! Already has gotten tons of play time!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and that the holiday season continues to bring them joy!

Much Love,

Ashley

Christmas is coming...

2011-12-23T17:09:00.000-08:00

Two more sleeps, two more sleeps, two more sleeps! Can you tell I'm excited?

I have a feeling Christmas may be just a little bit more special this year. I get to cook my first turkey, and serve my first Christmas meal for 15 at my house! I don't have to leave the house on Christmas day, and I get to put Baileys in my morning coffee. It'll be presents at our house with the fire burning in the fire place, fresh Christmas PJ's, and a brand new coffee maker!

I know Christmas is all about the presents for the kids, but for me I wouldn't care if I didn't get a thing. It's all about time with my family, and a big fat TURKEY! That is surely my favorite part. Well next to rum and eggnog!

It's amazing that first Christmas you have with your children where they really feel the MAGIC of Christmas. It's such a full circle moment, and truly a joy to relive the magic of Christmas with them. I can't wait to put out the cookies and milk, and read The Night Before Christmas. I can't wait to see the look on Mackenzie's face when she wakes to see a tree surrounded by presents or the look on Riley's face when he opens his gifts.

I have the strange feeling, I'm in for a big surprise this year. Maybe, maybe not. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

I know I won't post again until after Christmas day, so I hope everyone reading has a wonderful Christmas. Even if you don't celebrate I hope you can feel a little bit of the magic in your own way. Maybe curled up on the couch with the one you love on Sunday when nothing is open?

Much Love,

Ashley

Letter to our daycare provider...

2011-12-14T19:40:00.000-08:00

Dear _______,(Name Excluded for Privacy)

The experience created here at the daycare is more than I could have ever imagined for Mackenzie. The cultural diversity is, I am sure, unsurpassed by anywhere else. I am so proud to know that Mackenzie goes to daycare each day and is learning not just her ABC's, shapes and colours, but about other cultures, religions and their holidays.

Her time at the daycare is surely going to shape the adult she becomes, and I am so grateful for this. She is growing up learning about acceptance and diversity. No doubt she is learning things like ethnicity have no place in relationships and friendships. Each day she is learning the true meaning of being Canadian and words cannot express our appreciation for this.

Mackenzie surely is our greatest gift, and the care you show her each day is priceless to us. We look forward to the opportunity for 2 more years with you before she begins school. I know her time there will follow her through the rest of her life. Choosing a daycare is an important decision and we couldn't be happier with ours.

Thank you for everything you do over the year. It is surely appreciated by all the parents and children.

Warmest Regards,

Mackenzie's Parents

2011-12-14T08:34:00.000-08:00

Be careful in life about how many times you open yourself up to heartbreak. If you encounter it too many times, it might almost start to feel normal. You'll spend to much time hanging onto the feeling, reliving the rise and fall, and thinking things could be different.

The feeling becomes bittersweet and you'll hang onto it until you can hardly remember how to feel without it. You may chase away the good, or even try and sabotage it. The feeling of heartbreak can become like a drug. So familiar that you may actually seek it out.

They say you should love like you've never been hurt. Maybe you shouldn't.

Just a thought.

Living the dream...

2011-12-09T21:32:00.000-08:00

I just spent an amazing Friday evening curled up on the couch with Ron and Mackenzie. We ate take-out for dinner, stopped by and visited with my brother and sister(and her boyfriend). We sat on the couch with the Christmas tree lit and the fireplace burning. There is nothing else in the world I think I would have rather been doing.

Nothing in the world could ever compare to the love I have for Mackenzie. I could never have imagined how wonderful she would become. It's amazing the love between a parent and a child. In the past 3 years with her, my love has constantly renewed itself. It's amazing how every day when I see her, I love her more than I did before. The more she grows into a little person whom I admire, the stronger my love for her becomes.

It's the type of love, I'm sure only a parent would understand, maybe even only a mother. It's like every time you've ever fallen in love, combined, and multiplied. Words could never express the feeling. I feel so lucky to have such a wonderful child in my life. She is the most amazing gift I could have ever imagined. I hope that one day, I will have another child and I am sure my love will grow just the same for that child. Though it's hard to imagine one person being able to hold that much love in their heart.

I guess that's just one of the things that drives the human race.

2011-12-09T12:52:00.000-08:00

Just Remember...

We are only as strong as our courage to ask for help...

The Economy

2011-12-08T17:57:00.000-08:00

I hear people talking about money all the time. There are articles about the economy all over the internet. The United States of America, Europe, Canada. People are always talking about jobs, and budgets.

There is something that I just don't understand about all of it though. People are constantly spending their money outside of the country they live in. Vacations, shopping trips, buying things online. I just don't get it. It seems pretty obvious to me that the best way to stimulate and grow an economy is to spend the money you make in your country within your country. It stimulates jobs for other people who live in your country which in turn creates more opportunity for business and more growth within your country.

I would gladly spend a little bit more for something made locally, that I knew was made to the standards we've come to expect in Canada. Not to mention something that I knew wasn't filled with lead and other toxic minerals and chemicals. I see the benefit of keeping money within a country during rough times and sharing too.

The biggest mistake western countries have made(which surely has both negative and positive results) is out sourcing all the manufacturing of goods consumed within their country to other countries. For example, American has outsourced almost everything to China. China is rich and the US is poor(which is also in part to a very complicated issue related to spending). Canada has the land to grow all the food we could possibly need, but instead we buy produce from the US and Mexico.

Now I know there are positive things to world trade, but I think people seem to forget what makes a country strong. Most strong economies, manufacture and produce goods that are sold worldwide, but the second a country stops this and starts buying everything from another country they become weak. It's important to always keep stock of what you country can make, and keep making it. Don't send your plant to China because it's cheaper; all that money that could go to feeding families here then goes to feeding families in China. There has to be a better balance somewhere. Where does the answer lie?

I think the best thing the western countries could do for their economy is to start trying to grow more of their own food in a way that their citizens want them to. For example, less genetically modified foods and more organic foods; less hormone and grain-fed beef, and more naturally reared livestock. However, this is just a start.

I know that there has to be more to it than that, but I am pretty sure the best thing we can do as people is make some effort to stimulate our economy by spending our money within our country, thus creating jobs within our country. No?

One of those days...

2011-12-08T08:48:00.000-08:00

I'm having one of those days. The kind of days where your heart feels vaguely broken because there are so many people, who have a little piece of you heart, who are just too far away. I've had the opportunity to deeply bond with so many people over the years, and sometimes the distance hurts just a little. Some days you can just really feel those little pieces that are missing. It's just one of those days

Much love,

Ashley.

My heart is full...

2011-11-17T09:30:00.000-08:00

I had the most amazing dinner with an old teacher/counselor from HS last night. There are a few teachers that I have kept in touch with, 2 from HS and my grade seven teacher as well. It's nice to be able to have adult relationships with people who played such a big role in your young life.

Words cannot express, the amazing feeling I was left with after seeing her. My heart is full, and I look forward to the next time I get to enjoy her presence.

It's always been the strength of relationships with people in my life, that has made my world go round. That hasn't changed at all, so it's always nice when I get the chance to feed those relationships and my soul a little.

Much Love,

Ashley

Some People's Children...

2011-11-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

Some people's children lack common sense. This post isn't about me hating on people, really it's not. I try to except other's opinions, and I really try to think about things from their point of view because everybody has their reasons. I'm just not a huge fan of people who assume everything is exactly as it appears; or people who think that just because an opinion is different than their own it must be wrong or uneducated.

If you wanna read about what Wikipedia thinks about opinions, head here. It's always a good reminder when someones opinion really baffles you. It allows us to remember that in most cases, it's the things they experienced that create their opinions. Read on to hear some of mine...

Today, I read this article, and like anything you read on the Internet or hear about through the media, it's meant to be interpreted with common sense. Even things represented as educational, aren't always as black and white as they seem.

1) 100 boys die each year from circumcision complications. All of these deaths are avoidable. While, I don't doubt the truth of this statistic, to say that you shouldn't circumcise your male child because of this seems a little silly. Every single medical procedure carries a certain amount of risk, complications are very common. Serious complications are rare, if they were common Doctor's wouldn't be running around performing these procedures. The world average of maternal deaths is 400 per 100,000. Don't have a baby, you could die. The only statistics I could find on circumcision were that serious complications occurred 1 in every 400,000. You do the math.

2) Formula feeding caries risks. Formula was a life saving invention that has saved more children that anyone can even imagine. Not all mothers, do as much as they could to avoid formula. I didn't. However, most people who make the choice to use formula, believe they are making the best decision for themselves and their babies at the time. SIDS happens to breastfed and formula fed babies. They don't know what causes or how it can be prevented. I wouldn't trust any statistics in relation to that, because they simply do not know enough to make any definite conclusions.

3)Babies do not learn to self soothe by being left alone. Forget everything you know about babies and sleep. Now read that sentence again. Who would simply leave their baby alone? Exactly what I was thinking. Self-soothing has nothing to do with leaving a baby alone, or neglecting them. It has to do with teaching them, you will always come to them, you will always be there, but just because they are crying doesn't mean you will pick them up and hold or nurse them to sleep.

4) Co-sleeping(sleeping in close proximity to a parent) is a safe choice and has benefits. Of course it has benefits, because if it didn't people wouldn't be doing it. There are also benefits to avoiding it, and more than one way of interpreting the phrase "sleeping in close proximity to a parent". It does not have to mean bed-sharing, because there are inherent dangers with bed-sharing. Many of which relate to the risks associated with SIDS, and many which do not.

5) Allowing your child to CIO damages their brain. It is proven that leaving a child for very long periods of time to cry can cause brain damage. This is also called neglect, and if you leave your child for hours with no intervention and no calming this could cause changes in the circuitry of their brains. However, most parents who chose sleep training, and CIO, don't leave their children unattended. Many of us spend months going in every few minutes to calm baby, rub their backs, lay them down and softly "shh" them. Neglect, emotionally and physically causes brain damage. Sleep training and CIO does not equal neglect. I practiced CIO with my daughter and it was also practiced with me. My daughter has reached all her developmental milestones early, and shows no signs of brain damage.

6)Spanking has long-lasting, harmful effects. Physical punishment is never the best choice, but as a child who was spanked, it doesn't create dysfunctional, damaged children in all instances. There is so much more to parenting and the parent-child relationship than discipline. It's important to think about the decisions you make in regards to discipline. Hurting someone, never solves anything.

7)Bullying has serious and lasting effects. Clearly it does, but it also isn't the only factor that makes up someones personality. As parents we should acknowledge this and educate ourselves on how to deal with these situations correctly.

8) Punishment is not effective discipline. Really? The article says "punishment simply teaches children that if they break the rules they will suffer negative consequences". Well, that sounds pretty brilliant to me, because if you break the rules in life you will suffer negative consequences, and in almost all instances they are far worse than any punishment a parent would inflict on a child. Parenting isn't all about love, and forking butterflies. We are trying to raise positive, productive adults. Adults who understand the importance of rules and abiding by them. It is also our responsibility to teach our children the reasons for having rules, and the importance of abiding by said rules. If we fail to cover either of these issues, our children will suffer as a result. Discipline and it's effectiveness is a vital part of a child formation of personality. Use you brain and try your best not to mess it up, but don't walk around trying to avoid punishing your child's bad behavior, otherwise they will run into trouble in the real world, where they are punished and judged on their bad behavior.

9) Your child's interactions with you and their caregivers affects how his brain develops. Clearly, everything in a child's environment effects how their brain develops. It's a hard job being a parent. You must manage the loving, teaching, guiding and structuring of an impressionable life. If you don't use your head, then you are bound to have problems.

10) EQ matters! This refers to the emotional quotient -- the ability to understands one's own feelings and well as the feelings of others and being able to exercise self control. This seems pretty obvious to me, because beyond teaching sleep, discipline and good behavior, we must teach our children to be compassionate, caring individuals, capable of treating everything they hear and see, with a little common sense and intelligence.

If ever you read something, and just take it for face value, then you really aren't doing yourself any justice. We must use the things we've learned in life, from experience, as a sounding board of comparison for anything we read somewhere. NOTHING IS BLACK AND WHITE. Except those things that really are black and white, literally, you know.

Common sense is probably one of the most important underrated traits around. You can't buy it and you won't learn it from a book. But I bet, it's in your head somewhere if only you can find it.

Food

2011-11-12T12:14:00.000-08:00

I haven't really talked much about my latest adventure on here yet. It's been a few months that I have been at it, and as time passes I'm finding more and more solutions.

SO what is it? Well, I've decided to try and cut back on the packaged, preservative ridden foods that I buy. Since I do all of the grocery shopping for my house, it's basically up to me what everyone eats. They don't ask for much, they just eat what I buy. I hate going to the store and buying packaged and prepared foods. If I had the time, I would make everything. All the bread, pasta, salad dressings, etc. Unfortunately, at this point I haven't even attempted to make any of those things, unless it's for one particular meal.

What I have managed to do, is start making all the stews and soups for lunches. I still buy some canned goods, but mostly as a back-up plan in case something happens to our stock, or if someone feels like something in particular. For example, I still buy alphagetti's because when I want them, I want them and I'm not about to make them from scratch. Ever. Making those other things has given me the opportunity to really step up the amount of vegetable servings my family is getting. Not to mention, I have them making healthier choices my making turkey chili, and chicken soup, instead of using beef. This has allowed us to eliminate all pre-cooked sandwich meats as well. Those were never something we ate much of, but they are just really unhealthy and colon cancers run in my family, so anything I can do to be pro-active I am. If you don't know about it here is some information about the link between meats and colon cancer. It also relates to preservatives as well which plays a role in trying to eliminate the preservatives I feed to my family.

I've been able to eliminate all the packaged cookies, and pre-baked muffins. I don't buy mixes. I do it the old fashioned baking way. I'm able to use more organic ingredients as well as limiting fats by making substitutions. For me, it's all about just being conscious about the decisions I am making for my family and trying to educate myself about the little changes I can make, to help everyone be healthier.

The biggest obstacle in this change is grocery shopping. It's hard to find anything in the grocery store, that meets the preservative free requirements and is easy to just grab and go. Unless it's fresh and has a shelf life on it, it has preservatives. I haven't gone totally crazy, I still by whatever cheese is on sale, and I'm not even sure what dairy products have preservatives in them. The way I see it, I have to take it one step at a time, and eventually it will just get better and easier. Right?

I try and avoid most aisles at the grocery store, especially if I feel tired or lazy because then I find myself tempted to make bad decisions. If I stick to the basics at the grocery store, then I know that I'll have to do baking and preparing to make things easy to eat once I get home.

It's a work in progress, but I've made the commitment. Now I need to figure out the best time to purchase a bigger freezer because I need one! ASAP!

Irony

2011-11-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

Isn't it ironic, that I have time to blog and nothing to say? I am so tired there is only one good thought I can muster up.

I have nothing good to blog about.

FYI.

Amazing Weekend!

2011-11-06T20:28:00.000-08:00

I had an amazing weekend! I didn't do much and was sick, for some of it, but I got to spend it with my amazing man!

Friday, I stayed home from work. It was a sick day, and a mental health day all in one. I took Mackenzie to daycare and saw Riley off to school, and spent the day alone. I did housework and some shopping, I showered in peace, and prepared dinner. Friday night was relaxed, we watched movies, had a great dinner, and just did nothing. It's been a while since we've actually had the chance to spend a whole evening sitting on the couch with our kids. Wait, I don't think it had happened at all since we moved so it was greatly appreciated. My sister and her boyfriend even came over for a while, and we got our fireplace going. It's really nice having a wood burning fireplace.

Saturday was a great morning, Mackenzie let us sleep till 8:30 and then we got up and I made breakfast, the classic pancakes from scratch with real whip cream and fresh raspberries(that I froze a couple months ago). Mackenzie headed out with her Dad, who has had a few good weekends lately. Thankfully. Ron and I headed out to get some free firewood while Riley went back to sleep. When we got home, Ron and I took a nap while Riley got himself ready for soccer. Ron went to watch Riley's game while I stayed home and out of the cold, as I was nursing a cold. Riley spent the night with his grandparents and Ron and I got dinner out, and stayed home and watched chick flicks. It's amazing how much you appreciate a few hours alone with your partner when there are kids around all the time.

Sunday, was a relaxed day too. Ron did oil changes on both our vehicles and we got to sleep in. Mackenzie didn't get home until about noon so Ron and I got to spend some quality time with just her. When she took a nap, we broke into making dinner. Dinner was fantastic, all the laundry is done, my house is clean, and I actually feel like I had a weekend. Ron's parents had come for dinner, and they brought dessert which was fantastic. Now Riley is playing video games, Ron is putting wood on the fire, and I'm just finishing up this post.

Isn't my life fantastic and exciting? I love it.

So little time...

2011-11-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

**Advisory - Please take everything I say with a grain of salt because I don't censor myself. Also, don't think anything in this post is about you. If you are reading this then it's probably not about you. I'm not stupid and mean ;-)**

So I thought once we got moved and settled, I'd have time to blog. So far we're settled but I haven't adjusted to the crazy schedule of our family of four. I'm am so busy I literally barely have any time to sit down on the couch, watch TV, paints my nails or take a bath. I spend about 10 hours out of the house each day, and I have about 5 hours from the time I get home from work until the time I need to go to sleep in order to be able to drag myself out of bed again at 6AM. I love it, and while I'm sure this is the life I want, it's just taking a little longer than expected to adjust.

My life feels like a race right now, I race to get ready for work, I race to make lunch, I race to get home, I race to get Mackenzie, I race to make dinner, I race to get in the best workout I possibly can within the hour I steal for myself three or four times a week. I race to shower so I can get some time in with my girl, I race through bedtime stories. Between childcare, housework and the gym, I literally have no spare time. If you are thinking the gym is spare time, well it's not. I make sure that I get that time in, otherwise I get frustrated and stressed. It's my personal release, something I do that's good for my mind and body. And it's scheduled time just like everything else in my life lately.

Right now the biggest struggle is to make time for my relationship. It's what we've been putting on the back burner to get everything else done. We needed a reminder that we are a team, together as a family; but the most important part of the team is the parents and if we aren't making time to nurture that relationship things don't run smoothly. Time to talk, touch, connect and just be together, even if it's only 20 minutes before bed.

Lately, I hear all these mom's about how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom, and how no one appreciates it enough. (Prepare yourself for the insensitive) Well blah, blah, fucking-blah. I know what that life is like and it's pretty darn easy in comparison to spending 50 hours out of the house each week working, and still having to make time for all that Mom stuff, and the cleaning, and the laundry and the blah-blah-blah. We all work hard, it's true, but I just think if you have the time to take a shower and brush your hair in the afternoon you are lucky. If you get to sit on the computer at home in the morning and have a coffee, or sit and watch a full hour long television show, at any point in your day, you've got it easy. Now I won't complain anymore, because I prefer this life, I prefer two full-time incomes, and the personal advantages that come from working. I'm just saying, it's the working parents who work the hardest.

My real feel good moment, of the past few weeks was realizing how much I enjoy being a working parent, and being the working parent who is still baking the cookies for Halloween parties. The parent who manages to bake all the cookies and muffins that go into the lunches of her family. The parent who has managed to remove most of the preservative filled products from her home. It's hard work but at the end of the day the satisfaction is huge, I'm not going to lie and say it's not.

Riley has been a bundle of teen angst joy, and he's been getting himself into trouble and cleaning up after himself, left right and center. It's awesome! I'm also not being sarcastic!

So there is your update. Life has been a race! A race I'm winning! YEAH!

Update

2011-10-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

Somebody had a birthday! It's me! Another year older and wiser, I hope! My promise to blog, hasn't gone so well but I'm moving in a few weeks. Let me get settled with my family of four, and I will make time! Our life is going to be very busy and exciting and I know you'll want to hear all about it!

Short and sweet, it's gonna be a long week :-)

Baby?

2011-09-12T20:59:00.000-07:00

I'll start this post by saying Congratulations to this Mama on baby #2! I was waiting for the big reveal! Kortney is amazing, and I have the female equivalent to a bromance going on for her. We are very different and in the same moment so similar, and she inspires me. Mackenzie and her first daughter Alexys are days apart. Kortney and I went to HS together, though she is a few years older and we didn't connect until our babies were about 3 months. Anyways, I can't wait to meet her newest addition, and I have a while to wait. Humph.

As for a baby #2 for this Mama, I'm thinking not anytime soon. A few months ago, I was thinking Ron and I would try for our first baby together in Spring 2012. I would really like an Spring/Early Summer baby, and like most mothers with children 2 and older, I've started to feel the itch. The itch to bring another bundle of joy into the world. Now I really don't want to jinx anything by blogging about it, and I've put this post off because of it. If I get pregnant after this post, my response is going to be a big F*CK, but it wouldn't be long until I'd be planning to adapt. Lately though, I've changed my mind on the timeline. I used to think I wanted two more and now I know I only want one. Three is enough for me, and between Riley and Mackenzie I have two already. A few months from now, it'll be two full time and I'm 23. I want freedom, I want time alone, I want the opportunity to enjoy my relationship with Ron. I have no doubt that it'll will be us together forever, but my priorities for children have been shifting. Two feels like enough for now, for so many reasons.

I really want to enjoy having two. I want to develop my relationship with Riley, and I want to let Mackenzie grow into a more mature child before I throw a baby into the mix. I want to work, and enjoy the luxury of being in a family with two parents that work full-time. I wanna easily afford, soccer, dance classes, swimming lessons and everything else that comes with two kids. I don't wanna go back to being a stay-at-home mom just yet. I want Mackenzie to be in school full-time, and maybe even capable of caring for herself after school. I have 10 years+ of child bearing years left, and ideally I'll wait no longer than five years from now. It won't be long from now that Mackenzie will be starting school, 2 years or so. I'd love to have all day at home with a newborn, no crazy running around, no pressure. I want to take a vacation as a family of four, long before we become a family of five.

Things are about to get explicit, you may want to stop reading. NOW. I don't wanna get pregnant and fat again, I'm still working on getting skinny after Mackenzie. I also don't want my vag to be torn in half, I had a hard enough time getting back to normal after. That stuff hurts, and the pain doesn't disappear right away. Things are finally better than ever before, I don't wanna wreck it.

So that is the plan folks. No baby in this womb for a while. *fingers crossed* We all know things don't always go as planned.

A perfect world...

2011-09-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what my perfect world would be like. I don't think about the details of how my life would have gone. If I think about growing up the way I imagine, my life wouldn't be what it is today, and I like my life. I wouldn't want to change anything, I just think the world might be better this way.

Life would be simpler. It starts with small well-built cabins or simple homes, the kind made with hands and built from scratch. Not the cookie cutter homes built with pre-formed foundations. Everyone would live naturally, we'd grow our own food and own our own animals. As mothers, we wouldn't work(which is slightly depressing to me); we'd have the opportunity to cook everything our families eat. No boxes of cookies, packaged pastas and sandwich meats. Kids would play outside all day, communities would be small and honest. Countries wouldn't have any imperialistic goals we'd all simply enjoy the planet and preserve as much natural wonder as possible. No city centers, or high-rise buildings. Countries wouldn't be large and industrialized. The world would only reproduce naturally, and there would be no animal mills. Schools would be small and community based. There would be no war, and heartless killing. All people would be considerate and healthy, no crazy predators.

It isn't much really, just a simpler life. Oh and it might help if all men were tall. Just saying.

Good Night All.

Better post brewing. More about me.

Simple Pleasures...

2011-09-03T16:15:00.000-07:00

Last night was date night for Ron and I, and even though we ended up as 3 on the beach for dinner because Mackenzie's plans to see her Dad fell through, it was still a great night! Dinner was amazing, and then we walked White Rock beach and took Mackenzie for gelato! The bad ending was the mess we had, when Mackenzie started puking at about eleven o'clock. After showering her dressed covered in puke twice, and changing her sheets, we finally got her to sleep. She slept all night and didn't wake up until 8 and when she did she was full of smiles. I'm guessing it must have been something that she ate, because she was complaining on a sore stomach once she started getting sick. My guess would be the gelato, because sometimes when I eat it, I get sick from it. I don't think they always take the right precautions to keep bacteria growth down. Anyways.

On to the simple pleasures of today. Mackenzie is with her Dad, and Ron is working. I've had tons of laundry to do, but that's okay, I'm used to it. I have gotten to enjoy being home alone, I mopped the floor, cleaned the bathroom, and took a 5 hour nap. I went grocery shopping to get the fixings for a great steak dinner tonight. Now I'm blogging and watching some Amanda Bines movie. I'm going to shower and get pretty, and wait for Ron to come home. Then we are going to have a great steak dinner and some drinks and continue enjoying the end of summer, alone together.

Honestly, being home alone on a Saturday to do housework, and nap, is one of those simple pleasures in life. Peace and quiet. Love it.

The Deal...

2011-09-01T21:12:00.000-07:00

I've renovated my blog, and made myself the deal that I would use it more. With working full-time and doing the family thing, I don't really have that much time. I'm trying to get back into the groove of going to the gym at least three days a week. It's hard. I feel like there aren't enough minutes in the day to do everything I want to do. Getting even an hour of time alone once Mackenzie goes to bed, is hard, but I'm thinking if I can find the right position, I can blog while Ron's massages me feet. JOY!

I work 40 full hours a week too. I mean I am at work for eight and a half hours, so I get paid for a full eight each day. I also get paid semi-monthly, my first full paycheck was 96 hours! I like it!

I have quite a few things to take care of in the next few months. Mackenzie's swimming lessons start in a few weeks, and we need to move at some point before Christmas and get a house big enough for four!

What else is new? Mackenzie is fully potty trained! Thankfully. She gets to enjoy Cheerios every night before bed instead of a cup of milk, and she's happy with it. The downside is having to leave her door open, and finding her sitting on the couch at 5AM just chilling. It's so not cool. Even worse, I have to be up by 6AM and her 6:30AM. I don't want to wake up at 5, No way! Only twice this week, so I guess it could be worse.

I'm too tired to proofread this, so hopefully it's not too bad, and hard to follow.

Goodnight!

The Verdict

2011-07-11T15:22:00.000-07:00

I know this is a little late, but let's just say I needed a "cooling off" period. If you have me on FB then you know, I went a little crazy over the verdict. I've had a chance to calm down and can now rationally share my opinions.

I was disappointed with the verdict. I don't believe there was enough evidence to convict her of 1st Degree Murder. I do however, feel that she could have been convicted of Manslaughter. I feel like she is involved in the suspicious death of her own daughter. In this instance, I don't believe that justice has been served. Or that her conviction was fair based on the evidence presented in trial. I believe a large amount of the blame lies on the prosecution for over charging the case in the first place. It shouldn't have been a 1st Degree Murder trial, that was an emotional decision and not a logical choice based on the evidence recovered during the investigation.

My hope is that Casey Anthony will suffer for her actions, and the decisions she made in regards to the entire situation regarding Caley's death. I think she is a sad excuse for a mother, and that it would only be fair that she never be allowed to conceive again. The American justice system doesn't work like that, it strives for fairness, but fairness is something that cannot be reached in all circumstances. I think justice moving forward would be for Casey to be stalked and hounded for the rest of her life. She may never have the luxury of true freedom and that is all we can hope for now. She has lost what could have been the one true love in her life, her beautiful daughter. Now she must live with the guilt within herself, and the ridicule of the population around her. It's sad. At the end of the day I can't imagine an innocent mother acting the way she did.

Casey Anthony, WHAT?

2011-06-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

If you haven't been following the Casey Anthony trial, then I should probably ask if you live under a rock? I've been doing my best to watch the highlights at night, and reading the tweets during the day. During the beginning of the trial I was able to watch the live feeds in the afternoon, but now that I am out of the house all day, I've had to adapt.

If you haven't been watching then you probably have very limited opinions and/or information about the trial and/or what really happened. Not that any of us know what really happened, or will we ever truly know. Casey Anthony is just too much of a psychopathic liar. She's crazy, and couldn't tell the truth if he life depended on it. I don't believe she was molested by her brother and father, nor do I believe she is innocent in the death of Caley Anthony.

I don't think it would be accurate for Casey to be determined to be guilty of 1st Degree Murder which is the most serious charge she is facing. I believe that the death of Caley Anthony was "accidental" in some way. It could easily have been the type of situation that could be interpreted as intentional or an accident, but I don't believe it was premeditated cold-blooded murder. I think she has lied about everything and now her family is lying too.

I believe that she is a member of a dysfunctional family, and I believe she is a sociopath. I believe she should spend the rest of her life in jail, but I don't believe their is enough evidence to convict her of 1st Degree Murder, therefore I don't think she should be sentenced to death. I think what happened to Caley was a horrible tragedy, and that their family will never recover from the horror of her loss.

Crazy Couponer's

2011-04-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

I am about to rant about all the things I hate about extreme couponing. I should warn you that if you are an extreme couponer you may not want to read this. I should say, if you are I probably don't dislike you, if I know you. If I don't then most definitely I would judge you if you were standing in line at the grocery store. Hey, at least I'm honest.

I understand the want and need to save money, but I am also the type of person who would and does pay extra for convenience. My time is extremely valuable to me and I don't like wasting it. I can't imagine wasting all that time surfing for coupons, printing coupons and organizing coupons. I also can imagine wasting other people's time at the grocery store on a regular basis, simply because I'm self absorbed and crazy about coupons.

At first, it was only a television show I had to avoid and now I am running into extreme couponer's at the grocery store. Seriously? As if grocery shopping isn't already annoying enough. All those people oblivious to the rest of the world! Moving snail speed through the aisles and blocking the milk aisle with carts.

You know what else I don't get? I don't get buying 100 boxes of Ziploc bags and 40 years worth of toilet paper! Get a life people! Why buy things you don't need? Do you really want to die with a stock of supplies for another lifetime?

I would never want mass amounts of toiletries stored in my attic, or a garage full of cereal boxes and pop. I prefer to use the space I have for more valuable storage and preferably as livable practical space.

At the end of the day, I just see it all as a huge waste of time and energy, but see I'd pay for convenience. I'd pay more at the grocery store just to know that the crazy coupon lady isn't going to be there. Seriously.

2011-04-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

I've decided as part of my vow to blog more, I'll do an update about what is new with me, just me. I'm sitting in class right now, and like usual I'm bored. I really wish I didn't have to waste a year of my life in school, when I was more than capable of doing to same jobs I'll be applying after school, before I went to school. The problem was people don't usually like to take the chance that someone can actually be self taught and just do things without needing their hand held all the time. I can, one of my greatest skills is the ability to be self-taught. Best not to dwell, August will come quickly, until then I will blog more at school I guess.

I've spent the past few months at school doing classes on specific computer programs, and then accounting. Manual accounting and then accounting on all the commonly used programs. It's pretty simple, common sense really. A huge skill that those of us who have recently left the public school systems have, is the ability to navigate any new computer program and learn the functions of it quickly. For anyone who is older, this is a very hard thing to understand. If only everyone understood that it doesn't matter what the program is, the concept of learning it is always the same.

Other than school, I've been spending a lot of time at the gym. I reward myself with tanning, which is bad, but I love rocking the fresh tropical tan, when everyone else is pasty winter white. So from school, it's the gym and tanning. Getting in shape is the main goal, I spent too long being lazy, those days are over. I love running, and I feel great about it. I never realized how much core strength I had lost during pregnancy, and how much it was effecting me. Now that I am gaining that core strength back, I realize just how bad it was. The weight is coming slowly, but I will always need to eat the things I want, I just am getting a lot better at controlling portions, and not eating late at night. Really, it's a lifestyle change that I am making. From this point forward in my life, I will always have a gym pass. Now I don't expect that I will be able to go 5 days a week once I start working, and I will have to be more careful about what I am eating each day. However, healthy lunches get made for Mackenzie everyday, I won't have trouble doing the same for myself.

My life is good. Ron is an amazing partner and I couldn't ask for much more. He is patient and helpful, and truly a joy for me each day. I can't imagine my life without him, and I consider myself very grateful for having found him. Being so young, and having had a few serious relationships at this point, I never really knew what it would be like to find the one, and be sure. I am sure, I am sure that I could never find another man as wonderful as him. There is no one else out there who could be more perfect for me, and no one I would rather spend my life with. I've decided he's it, he's all I ever want. Maybe that's what it was all along, finding someone who made you decide that they are it for you.

Another thing that is new with me, is being able to enjoy an adult relationship with my sister. Growing up, having a sister was trying most days, and I can't lie and say she didn't drive me crazy because she did. However, now that I have my own place and my own life, I truly enjoy spending time with her. At 17, she is quite different than she was as a child. She has a boyfriend, and her own life, and it's a joy to be able to talk with her and share my experiences, and listen to the things that trouble her and what makes her happy. I am realizing now at 23, how wonderful it is to have a sister. My brother is great too, but my relationship with him will probably never be the same as it is with my sister, mostly because he's male.

My life is good, I have no real complaints. Except maybe stupid people at school, but there are stupid people everywhere, everyone has just got to deal with it, me included.

Potty Update

2011-04-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

Potty training is going awesome, here is the update:

Mackenzie has spent the entire weekend in undies and pants, and has only has 2 accidents. One pee and one poop. She only wears a pull up or diaper when she's sleeping.

My life has changed forever! Wahoo!

What's new with the Mackers?

2011-04-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am a bad blogger, and I have decided I need to blog more. With school, and Mackenzie in daycare, and Ron working, and the gym, and dinner, and you know the 50 other things any Mom has to do, I just don't make the time. Mackenzie is nearing 2 1/2 now, so many things have changed since I last updated.

Here's what's new:

1) We've been potty training this week, and today was our first full evening with not one single accident(5+ successful trips). At bed time tonight she even took her diaper off and went in the toilet instead. A couple weeks ago Mackenzie would not pee on the potty, she was defiant and would avoid eye contact when I even mentioned it. I started by telling her what big girls do, and talking about it lots! Then this week we started with undies and pants, and the first two days were bad, I seriously thought I was going to give up. I wanted to give up. I decided I couldn't give up. Avoidance didn't mean she wasn't ready, it meant she was being a 2 year-old. After struggling with undies, I decided I'd try the naked approach and it's worked well, today we went to pants only, like sweats so she still feels naked, and so far so good. After Ron and I both talking about potty stuff until we were blue in the face, she's going on her own. If she's playing she'll go running to the bathroom sit down on the potty and pee. Other times I ask her if she needs to go and she'll proceed to the bathroom and pee. We still have a long way to go, because she doesn't pee at daycare at all, and we haven't had a single poop. Not to mention, between the time she spends with her Dad on the weekends, and full days at daycare, I'm not with her as much as I'd like. She had a dry diaper this morning when she woke, and got out of bed to pee this evening, so if she wakes dry again in the morning, I'd like to try a diaper less night, and see how it goes. If it goes well, then we'll try a pull-up free day at daycare and go from there. All I know is that, Ron and I are committed, no quitting, no getting tired, no being lazy, we are all in.

2)Talking is good, and I am impressed by Mackenzie's speech. She says everything, and completes her own sentences and questions. Basically, there isn't much to say because she won't stop talking!

3) Daycare helps with the counting, colours and days of the week, she can't recite anything on her own. She tries, but she's aways mixing 3 and 4, and ABC, is more like DCB. She tries, I could encourage her more, I should, but I forget.

4) I've been researching dance schools and gymnastics. Real dance schools don't take anyone under 3, and parent participation for younger children is only day classes, which don't work for us. So I need to get it together and register for gymnastics, since I've picked a place that has evening classes. Honestly, it's ballet that I'm looking forward too, but we'll have to wait until next year.

5)Some days Mackenzie is a model child, other days she's a brat. Isn't that normal? Time outs work really well at home, and we are able to meet most of our discipline standards with simple 2 minute time outs. In public it's harder, mostly I try to ignore the fits and stay calm, I don't change my requests and I don't get excited. The other day she threw a fit in Starbucks, because I told her she couldn't walk to the car while eating her muffin. So she proceeded to throw herself to the ground and scream and cry. I was embarrassed of course, but instead of giving in or making it worse, I stated my demands, reminded her the floor is dirty and gross, and stood and waited for her to be finished. I avoided eye contact with everyone in Starbucks, and moments later she was moving to her feet and out the door to the car. People probably judged me, but whatever, they can get bent.

6) Mackenzie lost her first earring back the other day, I didn't discover for a day or so, had to push it through, she cried, I was sad.

7) Eating is great. She's a carnivore at heart, she loves meat. She loves veggies, she loves fruit. She eats. I'm happy. Everything that is meat is chicken, it's weird but I go with it.

I feel like I'm forgetting things, but it's probably because I need to blog more. I WILL BLOG MORE. There you go, you read it, it's real now, I have to do it.

Things I struggle with...

2011-01-06T16:36:00.000-08:00

I really need to learn to let things go, there are times where I can seem to be mad about the same things for days. My expectations for others are so great and when someone lets me down, it's just so hard to get over. I have so much weight to carry emotionally, and I feel like sometimes no one is there to help me carry the emotional weight. I hate asking someone to do something five times, I wish they would just remember the first time. I often place blame on other's when I should take more responsibility myself, it's just that I have to try hard not to get into doing everything myself and not asking for help because I don't think it will be good enough. I have a hard time placing value on the things I didn't ask someone to do, and I place too much value on the things I ask them to do that they forget. I hate being the planner, all the time, I hate having to manage the logistics of a family all the time, knowing when we need to shop and when we need to do laundry, it can be so heavy dealing with school and assignments, and then making sure we have enough eggs for Christmas morning breakfast and the right color socks clean. Maybe I am just to detail oriented, maybe I worry too much about the little things, or maybe the little things seem bigger than they are. I don't know exactly what it is, but I just know that sometimes I struggle, I struggle to find the balance between being a partner, a student, a mother, a banker, a list maker, the one in charge of laundry, and planning dinner, making sure everyone is clean, clothed and happy. Honestly, the being a mom part is one of the easiest parts, taking care of her is down to an art. I have her clothes for the next day laid out and a mental note of what she'll eat for breakfast and how I'll do her hair. It's just so hard to manage everything else with that. I feel like I'd rather do everything myself than ask for help because then I have to risk that things won't be done the way I like them. Wait, that sounds like I need the control but honestly, I don't want to be in charge of everything all the time. For once, I'd like someone else to tell me it's time to do laundry, or that we need to get something from the store. They say that being a stay at home mom is so hard, and I've done it so I have a pretty good idea of how hard it is, and they say being a single parent is hard too, but honestly the hardest part is working(or going to school) and being a parent in a relationship. You just have more to worry about that way. You have to keep up with school (or work) and manage the house stuff, and the kid stuff, and the relationship stuff. If only I could stay home all day and only worry about Mackenzie and I, that would make things easier, I swear it would, at least for a little while.

HELP!!!

2010-11-25T20:53:00.000-08:00

I have a problem. No, we have a problem. One day I put Mackenzie in the bath and she hated it. I have bathed that girl every single day of her life, and she has only had 3 days where she complained. Every other day she loved it. It's part of our bedtime routine, bath, bed and book, that's it. This is how we've always done it, and it's always worked.

The problem is, that it isn't just the one day that she hated it. It's been every night for a week. She freaks, she screams and cries the whole time she is in the tub. I've tried to distract her with the toys she has always loved. I've tried distracting her with new toys. Neither has worked for longer than a few minutes before she breaks out int full blown tantrum. I'm stressed!

I'm not sure why she has had such a drastic change of heart towards the bath. I'm not sure if she is trying to avoid bed. Or if it is something else. All I know is that I can't keep this up.

It's really important to me that she has a bath everyday. I want it to stay part of a daily routine but, obviously, the before bed thing isn't working for us anymore. We need help! I need suggestions! I don't know if I should take a few days off and then change the schedule and make it an after dinner thing? Maybe just change the time without any days off? There is no time for it to be a morning thing, and there isn't much point in doing it before dinner because she always makes a mess of herself at dinner.

Right now at this moment, all I really know is that I can't handle the fight, and I am not giving up. I just need to find the solution that is going to work for everyone.

Because I have a big inspired mouth...

2010-11-18T16:06:00.000-08:00

**This post is not meant in anyway to be offensive, just honest.**

This post is inspired by this post written by Kortney. Kortney is a great writer, and a great mother too, though she hardly gives herself enough credit.

Firstly, I will say that I agree with many of the things Kortney said, her post rings true in so many ways for so many people. I believe there is far too much competition between mothers in regards to their children. We all want the best for our children, for some that means they want their kids to be the best, and for others that means we want out children to be the best them. I'm not going to lie, I haven't looked at a development chart since Mackenzie was one year-old. I don't care what they charts say, or how many words she is supposed to have in her vocabulary. I was interested in those things before yes, but it got to the point where I know her development is fine. I don't compare her to other kids, and I don't compare her to those STUPID charts. I judge her development on her. I know she's doing fine because I see progress in her speech, understanding, etc.

I am sure there are plenty of parents out there who lie about their kids. Why? I'm not sure. I don't care what people think of my parenting. Wait, that's not right, I should say I don't care what everyone thinks. I value some people's opinions, and I always like to hear I am doing a good job, who doesn't. Yes, my daughter has reached all her developmental milestones early (since I last checked) I don't think that makes her better or smarter than any other kid. I think that just makes her Mackenzie, I don't think it's because of anything I did, I think it's genetic. My mother blessed me with an exceptional brain, and Mackenzie seems to have been lucky enough to inherit the same from me. Oh and I don't even think she does anything because of her brain, she does it because she's a doer, not a watcher or a perfectionist. She likes to get things done, NOW, just like me. I don't do sign language, or flashcards(though I tried), I don't encourage her watch educational TV or learn anything really. I just let her cruise around being herself, what happens, happens. I just feed her, clothe her and love her.

I agree with what Kortney said "Sleeping through the night is impossible and nobody, including adults, does it all the time. Your kid does wake up. At least sometimes. You choose to either ignore them and let them deal with it on their own or you get up and deal with it and lie about it". When I say my kid sleeps through the night, that doesn't mean every single night of her little life, I mean most nights since about 7 or 8 months. Even then, when I say she sleeps through the night that doesn't mean I don't have to get up every morning at 6am to give her a cup of formula, because I do. What it means is that 6 out of 7 nights she sleeps 8 hours or more in a row, without waking. Some days she'll wake and I don't have to go to her, because she'll fall asleep before I drag my ass out of bed. Other days I have to go into her room and lay her down twice before I even go to sleep. Some of us have great sleeping habits, I am one, Mackenzie inherited that. In addition, to being given no other choice. Yes, you read that right, no other choice.

There are some things that I believe, mostly because that's how it's always been done in my family. You start potty-training a girl before two, you never photograph your child with a soother (give one to a walking talking toddler), toddler's sleep in their own beds, and kids who walk don't nurse or have bottles. Now if these things sound ridiculous to you, that's because they are. Yes, they are things that I prioritize with my own child but I don't think they are the right ways, they are just the ways I prefer.

Sometimes, I feel like I shouldn't talk about the things Mackenzie does because my intention is never to make another mom compare their child to Mackenzie. Mackenzie is Mackenzie, she isn't the role model for anyone but herself. She doesn't have to be like anyone else, she just has to be herself. Of course, there are times where I hear about things that other kids do, and think "Hmm, Mackenzie doesn't do that". Then I move on with my life, and don't think about it again. Why? Because I don't care if someone else can do something Mackenzie can't. I am happy that Alexys can do puzzles, and Kenzie doesn't. Really. I am happy that other people with younger children have more potty-training success that Kenzie. Really. I'm proud of Mackenzie, just the way she is, and I really am happy that other toddlers find success in things too, even when they are things Mackenzie doesn't.

If anyone reading this sits around and thinks "Haha, my kid can do that and your kid can't". Well, you are a BITCH, no offense. The same goes for those who sit and think "Wow, you let your kid do that?" or those who think "Really, you let your kid eat that?".

Yes, I let my kid eat fast food, and candy. Not all the time but probably more than I should. I am potty-training Mackenzie but not because I think she needs to be trained (at one point I did), but mostly because I believe she is ready. Does your kid tell you they have gone pee and then proceed to take their diaper off because they won't wear a wet one? If he/she does they are probably ready to be trained. This is what Mackenzie does, and in order to not go broke from buying so many diapers, I started training her. Mackenzie knows all about the potty and how everyone goes on the toilet. She understands so much about it that she actually avoids it, she'll even pretend she doesn't hear me talking to her. Did I mention my kids got an attitude? She does. So far, I'll say training is hard work, and if you aren't dedicated, don't start. It has to be a priority otherwise it's just too much work. Period.

Which brings me to something else Kortney said "Saying your kid is potty trained, but having to ask them every 15 minutes if they have to go is not being potty trained. Worse yet, bringing them to the potty every 15 minutes isn't potty training either. You're training yourself to catch their signs. There's nothing wrong with a 2 year old in diapers. Plus if they're in diapers you don't have to worry about finding a bathroom when you're out". All true things. Though, I do believe asking your child every 15 minutes if they have to go potty is potty training. Each time I ask Mackenzie she has to think about it, and decide if she does really have to go. Not that I ask her every 15 minutes, more like 5-10 times a day. Some days she says I have to go potty, and all she does is sit on the toilet and fart, other days she refuses to sit on the potty at all, and so is potty-training.

Now that you know exactly what I think, you can judge me too. Or you can get over it, and just be happy. If your child is healthy and happy, don't stress about the rest I don't. I've set goals only to rethink them, and I've set expectations, sometimes to be disappointed other times to be impressed. Mackenzie is my child, and our life is our life. No better or worse than anyone else's just ours. Oh and lastly, for the record, Mackenzie talks in simple and full sentences. Not everyone understands her, mostly only those close to her. She doesn't talk as much at daycare, actually barely at all. I don't talk about her talking much, because I know it can be a sensitive subject and sometimes perceived as bragging, it isn't. I'm just proud, proud of my daughter for just being herself.

I love...

2010-10-14T21:49:00.000-07:00

I love the artwork Kenzie brings home. I love the canvas painting she did that hangs on the wall. I love that the only things she likes to play with is writing utensils and paper (or beyabee's as she call them) and books. I love that if I ask for a toy the only things she ever brings is the blocks, even though she has a ~~hundred~~ too many toys. I love that she never watches TV, and I love the kind of girl she is becoming.

That doesn't mean I don't envy the parents who's kids love television, or the parents who's children sit patiently in the stroller playing with a toy. I still have moment's where I wish she would just take a five minute break from drawing or bringing me books to sit and relax, or even to be entertained by the TV. It never happens, so maybe one day I won't wish it anymore.

I never imagined that having a toddler like Mackenzie would be so hard, but I sure that each day I will continue saying I can't believe how amazing she is. No matter what, one thing is for sure, I have a very busy, and extremely creative girl on my hands.

Another ME Update!

2010-08-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm still a bad blogger. I said it would get better but it hasn't really, I just can't find the ~~time~~ motivation. I've started school and so far it's nothing too exciting, it fills the days though. Mackenzie is in daycare full time and it's only been about a week but she's struggling with not having another girl her age there everyday. I have plans to move out of my Mom's house in the upcoming month, and while a little bit of stress comes with that, I've outgrown my welcome and I look forward to the change. Strangely enough, it's actually going to be cheaper to get my own place. I'm happy with the way my life is changing and I'm looking forward, way forward.

I'm struggling at little with my decision to jump into another relationship so soon, while for me it doesn't feel fast because not only was my relationship over with Morgan for so long before we actually ended it but it's not like I've just met Ron, I've known him for over 2 years. Anyways, my family isn't taking the adjustment as well and there are some issues with the age difference. My doubts aren't about my choice by any means I am happy, and it feels right, it's just hard to deal with those who don't agree. It's a positive relationship with a positive person, I just wish everyone could be happy for me, because I honestly believe I am growing into a better person everyday.

That's all for now.

Introducing...

2010-08-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

I have a new love in my life and I met him quite a long time ago now, I was pregnant with Mackenzie when we first met. For me, it was one of those moments where you meet someone and you just know that one day, they will be someone great in your life, someday they will be yours. I knew it, the moment I first saw him, I can't really explain it more than that, I just knew. I was obviously unavailable at the time, and it didn't bother me, because I knew that one day along the way if I ever had the chance I would do what I had to do to show him I was interested. Other than that everything I felt for him went on hold, until several months ago when Morgan and I's relationship ended.

I've only really ever felt this way about one other person, my high school boyfriend, and our relationship was strictly platonic. My relationship now consists of many of the same feelings except nothing is missing for me this time, I have everything I could ever want. I am a huge believer in the strength of relationships where people bring out the best in each other, when you find someone who motivates you to be the best you possible, that's a keeper. Which is exactly what Ron does, he motivates me to be a better me simply by being himself. He's the strong, sensitive man that I need him to be in every moment, and I want nothing more than to spend my life with him. It hasn't been long since things have been official between him and I can't say that we both didn't enter the relationship with quite a bit of baggage, but I can honestly say that I believe one day soon we will be married and having a child of our own.

Now I'm not the type of person who believes in destiny, and I don't think that Ron is my soul mate, mostly because I don't believe in that. I believe that when you are ready you find someone who is worth sticking it out for, someone who would do anything to maintain the relationship and you'd do the same. Not the perfect person, but someone who you love not in spite of their flaws but because of them. Someone who treats you in a way, that you know without a doubt they are deserving of building a life together. Oh, and as far as soul mates are concerned I believe that when you truly connect with someone your souls become mated just as much as your emotions, intellect, and bodies do. It's something you build, not something you find.

Coming into the relationship both Ron and I bring a child of our own, of course you all know about Mackenzie, and Ron has a 12 year-old son Riley. I really look forward to the day when it's the four of us living together, and I look forward to the day where we make it five of us. Obviously, nothing is for sure but I believe that if you can't see a future with someone you shouldn't be together and trust me I've learned alot about this from failed relationships. Riley and Mackenzie have a great relationship, and I really wish that we were in a place where we all lived together but not quite yet. That's all for now...

Not Forgotten

2010-07-16T20:16:00.000-07:00

MyOkay, okay, I know it's been forever since I blogged, but I haven't forgotten that it's here waiting. So here is a short post just to catch up and I will very soon update it with all the posts about the new love in my life, the happiness that I found and about the peace in the things I can' change. Life is good, Kenzie is great, and I'm in love. Mackenzie is about 19 1/2 months old now, and full of energy. Seriously, this girl amazes me everyday without fail. She is talking up a storm, and her understanding of the English language astounds me. She can say so many things on her own, and even more when prompted. No potty training yet, life got in the way of that, but she's quite the little fish in the water, and knows McDonald's is where french fries comes from(which we have coined FF's because she gets mad if you mention them.) Anyways, its nearing bath time for her, so another day there is more to come.

16 Months

2010-04-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

Everyone has been doing baby updates so I guess I should do one on Mackenzie. Things are still great at our house, and Mackenzie is the same little( well maybe not so little) ham she has always been. We have completely abandoned potty training, like seriously I can't even remember the last time I put her on the potty. I am still thinking about trying to do some 3 day training at 18 months but we will just see how it goes. She still understands what the potty is and knows that everyone else goes to the bathroom on it. Mackenzie has been walking and running for a while now, but just recently she has taken to sprinting. Like seriously this girl can RUN! I actually have to really kick up my pace to catch her once she starts going, and this is full knees up running Mackenzie does. I am always getting comments from people who are impressed by just how fast she goes, but I figure it won't last long, tall people usually aren't the best sprinters. Talking seems to be an interesting topic of conversation for Mom's and while Mackenzie can say several things when prompted and in context, my Mom is always saying how she should talk more. Once a day she will usually say one new thing clear as day, but I have to prompt her usually by saying " say____" over and over until she does. Usually I can see her mouthing it with no sound coming out several times before any sound comes out. As far as her usual words go, she can say 'Andrew' very clearly, and shoes like a pro! She can say Riley, Aunty, Grandma, Mama, Daddy. She mimics alot lately, and will repeat almost anything. If someone is yelling someone's name then so is Mackenzie. She also says 'yeah' and "what's this" alot, but as far as being clear enough for strangers to understand she has only really mastered the names. She still has a bottle at least twice a day and sometimes if she naps twice then she will get a third bottle in the afternoon. She eats almost anything and has taken a liking to things like olives and onions but hey all the power to her. Oh and she thinks it's funny to lift the toilet lid and try to drink out of it. Thankfully she hasn't figured out how to open doors, but she has mastered the up and down stairs thing, and I am thinking about removing the baby gate soon, but am still scared. Anyways, I am expecting someone so I am getting of the computer now.

Update

2010-03-08T11:56:00.000-08:00

So we are finally moved and basically totally unpacked. My life has been very busy and exciting lately, I've been working tons and really enjoying it lately. I've been getting back a little bit of a social life which I also love! Kenzie's new room is great, and I can't wait to keep decorating! Our new place is only about 8 years old and it is so nice having everything so new! Gas fireplaces and a huge kitchen! It has been a little bit of an adjustment sleep wise for Mackenzie and I am trying to get her away from the 6am wake ups. I've been working on a new resume and in the next few weeks I hope to have a new job and be able to put Mackenzie is daycare(with a friend of mine at her home). Things between Morgan and I are leveling out and while we aren't going to be getting back together we are at a good point as far as friendship and co-parenting goes. I feel like I haven't been blogging enough but I doubt that will change anytime soon. Once I am working full time I will probably be busy on my days off, so we'll see if I even keep this blog going. It's a nice outlet, but not as private as I would like. Anyways, all is well with us!

New Beginnings

2010-02-24T11:58:00.000-08:00

Change is best when it comes slowly, and things have been slowly changing in my life and for the most part I feel pretty good about the changes. Moving day is quickly approaching and I have finally started packing, and I am so excited to get into a new place. I love moving, and I love putting everything in a new place, in a new house. Socially, I have begun stepping out of the stay-at-home mom isolation, and I look forward to maybe getting out one of these nights without Mackenzie. I haven't been out with my friends for anything more than a meal since Mackenzie was born, and I really think I am ready. I struggle a little with the idea of finding a balance between my personal life and my life as a Mom, but as long as I keep that in the back of my mind I am sure it won't be too difficult. Kenzie is always going to be my number one priority but it would be nice to do more things for myself.

With moving on my plate, I have put off the search for a new job until we get settled but then I hope to put 100% into finding a full-time job that pays more. I could stay at CT but considering all the knowledge I have there, I am not really putting it to good use, so it is probably better to just go somewhere else. Work is so good for self-esteem and I never really noticed that before I had Mackenzie, or before I spent a year off of work at home with her. Work makes me feel good about myself, and I don't think I could ever be the mom who stays home forever, even though there was a day where I thought that is what I wanted, now I know that just isn't the case. I know that I have changed so much since Mackenzie was born, I've grown into a woman, and a mother, but I also know that those changes aren't going to cease anytime soon and I look forward to it. Each day I realize I am stronger and more driven than I knew, I feel like my life can still be everything I want. I feel so fulfilled as a mother, and I would love to find the same fulfillment in other aspects of my life. I am a single working mom and feel good about it.

Path back to the real world...

2010-02-24T10:40:00.000-08:00

Breaking News - I am getting a new cell phone! I haven't had a cell phone since I started my maternity leave. When I wasn't working we decided there wasn't any point in paying into two expensive cell phone plans when we already had a home phone, so we dropped mine. At first it was really hard because I have always had a cell phone, but eventually I adjusted and didn't really miss it that much. However, it's hard to carry on a complete social life without the ability to text and talk wherever, whenever. So I broke down and decided it's time to get myself another cell phone, and I am SO excited. Mostly because I miss being able to text instead of talk. I decided on this phone because the price was right and I wanted a full keyboard. Yay! Now I just have to wait for it to be delivered because internet shopping is the easiest way for me now.

Mother - Daughter Friday

2010-02-19T20:57:00.000-08:00

It was just Mackenzie and I this evening, so I decided we'd do a few things that are out of the norm and just celebrate a little alone time together. Like usual we danced around the house and sang, but we also stuffed our faces with junk food, painted our toes and I even let Mackenzie wear some lip gloss for the first time. Mackenzie consumed massive amounts of chocolate milk and Goldfish crackers, and she had a blast while I chased her around the house. All in all, it was the type of night that I imagine I will remember long after she has grown and left home, and I am also pretty sure it's only the first of many more Mother-Daughter nights to come.

The most amazing part, is that simply being home with my daughter can fill me with more joy than anything else I have yet to discover on this earth. Tonight I experienced one of those priceless moments that make up a lifetime, and if ever I feel like I should be out like all the other 22 year-olds, I know all it will take is another night at home with Mackenzie doing things we rarely do, for me to remember what life is all about. Children.

P.S. What happened to spellcheck on blogger? I want it back!

WOW!

2010-02-16T17:10:00.000-08:00

I came across this picture today, and I'm still blown away by it. Not only can I not believe my belly was really that big, or that my doctor didn't think Mackenzie was going to be a big baby, but it's even harder to believe that the beautiful girl who now runs crazy around my house, was small enough to fit inside my belly. WOW. It's no wonder I got so many stretch marks, look at the size of that belly! This wasn't even the biggest I got because this photo was taken about 10 days before I delivered, and I put the pounds on until the last day.

Not Me! Monday!

2010-02-15T16:21:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. Once you are finished here you should head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not start my day by eating chocolate simply because I could and because I've been so good with watching what I eat lately. I would never do that and risk putting back on the 10 8 pounds that I have managed to lose in the past two weeks. Seriously, though isn't that how I got fat in the first place? I know better.

I did not have to throw out a sippy cup today because I had left it sitting in the sink with milk in it for who knows how many days(enough to curdle the milk). It was not so bad that the smell simply would not go away after washing it twice. That's gross, I always rinse the cups right after they are finished with, or at least every day.

I do not have a mountain of laundry waiting to be washed that I ignored doing today, even though I don't have to work, and have no real reason to avoid the laundry other than the fact that I'm lazy. Not me! Never.

I also do not look forward to going to work simply so I don't have to be with Mackenzie 24/7 then only spend every moment at work missing her, and thinking of her every single time I see another baby. I do not sit there day dreaming about what she's doing, what she's been eating and if she is missing me. I always make the most of my time at work, and I never spend excessive amounts of time day dreaming.

It is not less than 14 days from my moving date, and I have not neglected to start packing yet. I'm finished packing, of course.

You should also not trust me that this is the end of my list. I do not have many, many more things to confess that won't make it past conversations with my girlfriends. I do not have things to say that are too bad to confess here. Not Me!

Bad Blogger...

2010-02-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, it's been far too long since I've posted. It's just that lately, I haven't really had the time or the energy to post, and then when I do the topics are usually those that I don't wish to make public. I considered doing some private posts but then how would I post them for those who I want to read them. Anyways, I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that things are moving along in our lives. We will be moving at the end of the month, and I am very excited about it. My mood, and feelings are some of the best I've had in my life, each day I grow stronger and I really couldn't be more proud of myself. Mackenzie is the same joyful little girl as always and she's learning so much each day. If I have the time I would love to do a Not Me! Monday post today because I have oh so many things to confess, but for now I am going to finish making Nanaimo Bars and enjoy my diet cheating.

2010-01-28T10:19:00.000-08:00

So many things have been going on in our house lately, most of which won't make it to this blog for public viewing. The simple version is that Morgan and I are separating and right now we are just trying to work out the details, trying to create a situation that is going to be the best for Mackenzie. I would hope that since very few people know the exact circumstances that people will just keep their opinions to themselves. Like any Mom knows, life goes on in the world of a 1 year old regardless of circumstances around them, so my days are filled with the same activities they usually would.

On another topic, there are a few changes going on at home with Mackenzie. Some are in preparation for her to go into her own bedroom over the couple of months and others are just part of the natural development for her age group. First, we got her down to 2 bottles a day, she has one in the morning and one before bed, and this was met with no resistance at all and has been going great. Some days I offer her the bottle if we are out, or if someone else is going to be babysitting her, this just makes things a little easier on Mackenzie. The second thing, is that we are working on only one nap a day, with the hopes that it will change her wake up time to a consistent 8am instead of some 6am's and some 8am's. It has only been on day but day one went pretty well and she made it clear that it was something she was ready for. The third thing is that we are working on changing her bedtime routine a little, in order to make is more convenient for when she has her own room, also setting the stage for taking away her bedtime bottle in a few months once we are into the potty training more. Speaking of potty training, things are going great when I am being consistent, which is much easier said than done at this point, and I am sure anyone who has attempted early potty training understands that. Potty training is hard work at any point I am sure but it is even harder at 13 months and while we have made exceptional progress, I am been slacking lately on my consistency. I really feel that with everything going on and an upcoming move it may be better to wait a few months before we start with 100% effort again.

I have so many things to focus on right now, with things between Morgan and I, finding a new job, working the job, I have and taking care of Mackenzie, the first thing to go had to be the potty training and I am okay with that. We are still working on her potty signs and I am encouraging the understanding of pooping and peeing. I just really need to be careful how many things I put on my plate now, because I don't want to start drowning under all the things I want/should be doing.

When you assume...

2010-01-24T16:04:00.000-08:00

...you make an ass out of you and me. Old saying I know, but the older the saying gets the older the practice of assuming becomes too. This post is about something that I am sure you haven't given much thought to, but why do we assume people are straight? Sexuality is private, yes. Though is it not better to be able to ask openly whether someone is gay or straight than to simply wonder and theorize? If it was one of those questions we asked when getting to know someone, like "How old are you?" or "Where are you from?" then so many people wouldn't have this struggle with being open about their sexuality. In 2010, being gay is something that is almost unspoken of in most circles, friends wonder about friends and co-workers wonder about co-workers. Now I understand the concept that someone's sexual orientation is their own information to share, but if they weren't judged so harshly by people they would probably feel more confidence to express themselves openly.

At this moment there are a few people I can think of that I don't know about. I have my own opinions about what the answer may be if I asked the question but "Are you gay?" isn't the type of question that you can just ask, expect a yes or no answer to and then just carry on. It's such a loaded question that even the closest of friends rarely dare ask it. To me that is the saddest part about the perception of gays; I'm more worried about their ability to divulge their orientation to their friends, family and co-workers, than I am about the right to get married. While I would never say it's safe to assume but is it possible that if they could be open with everyone they know, then full civil rights would come soon enough? If parent's didn't assume their children were going to be straight then that alone may change the stigma of coming out of the closet? Would there be no closet? And no need to hide in it? Maybe or maybe not but with that being said, I should say that I can't understand how the words "I'm gay" could come with any response other than happiness and acceptance, but that's just me. Also, for the record I will never assume about Mackenzie’s sexual orientation just like I haven’t assumed about yours, and never will. Now if only, it was an acceptable question to ask then I wouldn't have to wonder either...

Baby Dresses!

2010-01-20T12:31:00.000-08:00

Surely one of the best parts about having a daughter is dressing her up. Dresses, shoes, hair, it's all so much fun! It totally brings me back to being a kid myself and dressing up my dolls, except now my doll is real, and she's much more work.

Mackenzie has so many beautiful dresses, and while I've already gotten rid of most of her smaller clothes the most beautiful dresses I have kept. I plan to get garment bags for them and keep them forever. If someone close to me has a daughter I would love to lend them to them to use, but I think I would want them back to save for my next daughter, or even for Mackenzie's daughter. Even now she has about 10 that she outgrown that I will be keeping and she has several that she hasn't even grown into yet, and I don't think the dress buying will stop anytime soon. Partially because I'm not the only one who loves buying dresses and partially because I love dresses so much.

I really would have been happy having a son, because like most mother's my biggest concern is that my baby would be born healthy, but I should say that I LOVE having a daughter and I doubt the novelty of dressing her will ever end!

Respect

2010-01-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

Respect.

Some people can think of endless names of people they know that they respect. For me, the list is rather short, and I can't finger the exact reason. Yes, respect is important to me, but its a complicated thing. I can know you, you can be an important part of my life even, but at the end of the day I may just not respect you. Reading this back to myself, it sounds really ~~heartless~~ bad, but it really isn't that way.

Respect is complex, treating someone with respect is much different that actually respecting them. Common courtesy and human nature make up the way we speak and treat each other. To truly respect who someone is as a person, the choices they make, they way they represent and carry themselves, it's different. For me I wouldn't always make the same choices, and I'm usually not the same way but some people, but some people you can just respect who they really are.

Potty, Potty, Potty and Understanding

2010-01-12T09:35:00.000-08:00

So we are still ~~slowing~~ working at the potty training. I usually put her on the toilet two times a day, every other day I have been putting her in training pants. We've had one pee in them, and one poo. We've had three pees on the potty and no poops, but I've ~~read~~ heard that the pooping can take quite a bit longer than the peeing. Mostly, we are working on the understanding part and it is going great. She knows what "the potty" is now, and when I say "Do you want to go pee on the potty?" she starts to make her way there. The problem is because she understands what pee is there are times where she pees just as I get her to the potty and start taking her diaper off. It's ~~frustrating~~ okay because I understand why she's doing it; she hasn't figured out that "pee on the potty" doesn't mean pee in the bathroom as I am getting you ready to go on the potty. I need to start taking her to the potty and not saying pee until she's on the potty. Though there are many times where I forget how specific I need to be, because babies can take things so literally. Already, she enjoys the potty experience and it's something she seems to be excited about. So there is hope that things continue this way, and that she's a real big girl before I know it.

Something else I am really enjoying with Mackenzie right now is her growing understanding of our daily vocabulary. It seems like she understands everything that goes along with the normal day to day. She knows what all the different areas in the house are and can go there when asked. She knows how to find all her different toys, and will find them when asked. It's amazing to see her really understanding the things that I say to her, and showing that she does. I am hoping that soon enough she starts to say some of the things instead of just understanding them. There is no pressure here though because I know with increased language skills there are going to be many more "No's" around here. All in all, I am just enjoying her new personality, and development milestones.

Training Pants Part One.

2010-01-04T11:55:00.000-08:00

So this morning when I woke up I thought it would be a good idea to put some training pants on Mackenzie and just see what happened. Maybe she wouldn't want to pee it them and I could just put her on the toilet instead. Honestly, the idea wasn't too well thought out and was mostly just to feel out possible scenarios.

I would say it went really well for the first hour, I tried her on the potty a few times but she wouldn't go. I knew she would have to go soon because I put them on her just after she finished her morning milk. Then something went wrong, I put her in the playpen so I could go downstairs to do laundry, she started crying and by the time I finished the laundry and came back to her she had went pee all over herself and the playpen. FAIL. I figure it's mostly my fault for putting her in there and if I would have waited a little longer and tried the potty again I would have had more success. I know she can hold it but clearly she can't hold it when she is upset. Oh well. Another day.

Change

2010-01-03T17:21:00.001-08:00

I really needed a change as far as my blog was concerned. There are a few things layout wise that I don't like about the new header but it will do for now. I don't have the time to go back and fix it now. Let's just say it is on my list of things to do!

13 Months Old

2010-01-03T15:44:00.000-08:00

Today, Mackenzie is 13 months old. I have noticed so many changes in her in the past month, and I am sure I will see many more in the months to come. I figured, I would use today's post as an update on where she is at.

We are still at three bottles today, but I figure within the next week or so, we will go down to two bottles a day. She's eating way more solids, and is still getting a large percentage of her daily milk intake from a bottle. She loves her cups, she just doesn't drink as many ounces of milk from them a day than she does the bottle. Once we are down to two bottles, then that will change. I figure that she'll drop that extra bottle pretty easily. She definitely has the diet, and appetite of a young toddler now. Meaning mostly that she no longer uses milk to feel full all day, she just snacks on solids instead.

As far as the potty goes she is exactly where I would hope at this point. She'll sit on the potty a few times a day for several minutes, and she's beginning to understand what peeing is. I have several ideas about where to go from here, but not quite yet. I'd like to try training pants(not pull ups the old fashioned kind of training pants) with her during the day but I think I'll wait until she is having one pee a day on the toilet, maybe I'll try sooner but I'd like to wait. I love the idea of having her run around naked for a few days until she gets the idea, but there are two problems with that a) it's winter b) we have carpet. If we still aren't 100% there by summer then I'll resort to that and just rent a carpet cleaner when she's finished. Gross. I know.

So those are the things we are focusing on right now. Everything else is going great, discipline is good, and sleep is good. Oh, and at some point Mackenzie cut two more teeth bringing the count to ten. I really dropped the ball on these ones and didn't even notice, but considering the history that's a triumph for us both.

Breaking News!

2010-01-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

Mackenzie went pee on the potty today, well not the potty but the toilet! I am so excited that the first post of 2010 is about potty training.

So here is the series of events that lead to this mornings successful pee! After her first birthday, we stopped everything to do with potty training and were just working on cutting her bottles and moving her onto sippy's. During this time, I didn't sit her on the toilet or anything, I just left the whole issue alone. For Christmas we bought her a Disney Princess toilet seat that sits on the big seat, it's padded and pink and has little handles. Three days ago, I started sitting her on the toilet again before bath time, and to my surprise she will sit for 5 minutes or more(I usually just talk to her about peeing on the potty not in her diaper) I think she would sit there for half an hour if I let her. So this morning after she had her bottle and her cuddles on the couch for the first half hour, I took her into the bathroom. I went to the bathroom(explaining to her what I was doing like I usually do) meanwhile she just stood in the bathroom looking through the cupboards. After, I took of her clothes and her diaper and put her toilet seat on the toilet. I said Mackenzie go pee on the potty like Mama, and she just went pee. I taught her how to wipe, then we flushed the toilet. Voila! While I know this is only the beginning, it is exactly that new start I wanted. I'm glad I have her some time without trying to train because now that we have started again our results are much better!

P.S Happy New Year!

Grrr...

2009-12-28T20:55:00.000-08:00

Today wasn't the greatest of days. It started at 4:30am with a restless crying baby, then out of bed at 7am and then Morgan and I started fighting. We had made up by 8:30 and were at work by 9am. I got scolded a few times at work today, for things I think are questionable but whatever. I really shouldn't hash all that out considering my blog is public content. One day I may share the horrors of Canadian Tire Whalley, but for now I'll keep the details to myself. Then the worst part of the day came, coming home to no camera! It was supposed to be here today, and I am so disappointed. I tried tracking it online but the date they gave me must be wrong. Hoping it comes tomorrow. No work until Thursday, busy day tomorrow. I miss Naomi, and I need to make the time to call her, and see her too. If you are reading this, I miss you.

2009-12-27T21:19:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I head back to work, so my short "Vacation" is over now. Honestly, it wasn't much of a vacation for me because I still had Mackenzie to take care of all day long. It's funny how only Dads get breaks, never Moms, but that's another post all together. Really, I am looking forward to going back to work, getting out of the house, getting my break at work. Ironic.

Lately, I've been thinking alot about what the next steps with Mackenzie should be, and there are many changes I want to make for myself this year. The New Year is quickly approaching and I would really like to get all my ideas together. Maybe you will all be lucky enough to hear about them on here, maybe not. Either way, I have a feeling that this year is going to be better than the next. Always moving forward, it's a good way to be.

Home Sweet Home

2009-12-26T21:53:00.000-08:00

Exciting News - We were able to fix my computer! It's back, fully functional and better than ever! I am hoping this lasts because I am looking forward to getting back to blogging more. However, with two teenagers at home it's easier said than done.

So we are all home now, and loving it. I'm going to keep this post short because my bed is screaming my name, and I can't wait to get into it. I really do enjoy going to stay with family, but it is always relieving to be home again. I can't express enough how much of a wonderful time I had with everyone, but nothing compares to my own bed. Not to mention, nothing compares to the way Mackenzie sleeps when she is at home.

I hope to get in some updates about bottles and toddlerhood within the next few days. Though when my new camera comes, I'm not sure I will be able to put it down to blog. I ordered it online on Christmas Day for Boxing Day prices. I had originally planned to fight the crowds at 6am, but when I realized I could just order the one I wanted online, I knew it was a much better idea. I'm upgrading from a 7MP Kodak, to a 12.1MP Canon, now Canon is a superior camera, not to mention the jump in MP alone is good. Needless to say I am excited for it to arrive, and to start playing with it.

Sneak Peek

2009-12-26T09:50:00.000-08:00

Facebook won't let me upload pictures, so I figured I'd give a little preview here for those who want to check them out. I am hoping to have my home computer fixed and back up in a week or so, but no guarantees.

Christmas Excitement

2009-12-24T22:31:00.001-08:00

Christmas Eve is coming to a close, and the excitement for Christmas morning has set in but it isn't for myself. I can't wait for Mackenzie to get up and open all her presents! YAY KENZIE! We all know that one of the best parts of Christmas is having children around! Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love being with family, and eating good food, laughing and occasionally drinking. Though, I really think that nothing is more exciting than feeling the joy of a child on Christmas morning. I can only imagine as the years go by how much more exciting it will get, as Mackenzie understands more and more. We can start leaving cookies and milk and reading Christmas stories, and watching Christmas movies. I remember the excitement of being a kid, and I look forward to sharing that with Mackenzie.

Tonight was wonderful, we had four generations of family here today, and at dinner. It is moments like that I realize just how blessed I am to have such an amazing family. We laugh and talk and really just enjoy being together. We usually have the few who get far too drunk and spend Christmas day hungover, but that comes with heart to hearts and occasionally an argument. Really though, isn't that what family is all about. No family is perfect, and it's those of us who can look past the history and shortcomings, that really glue families together. This year has been flawless, and now that I think about it's only my Uncle and my brother are still drinking, and they are upstairs bonding, I'm sure.

I can't imagine a single day in my life without my family, let alone a Christmas holiday. Tonight my only wish is that you were able to enjoy the same type of family joy that I was. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

Missing Blogger

2009-12-24T12:44:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted a blog and there are two reasons. Number one being that I've been busy, I am a working mom remember, and with Christmas coming I've been extra busy. Number two is that my home computer is totally friend and needs to be replaced. Who knows when that will happen but until them my entries will be few and far between.

We are currently visiting family on Vancouver Island, so I have been able to use the computer a little but not enough to catch up on all my blogging. So here are a few quick updates - Mackenzie is doing great, she's been learning the "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" dance, which is super cute by the way. The best part is that she always ends up with her finger up her nose, and while that won't be funny in a few years it's hilarious now! She's loving being with the family, though she has been very cranky since we got here. She's always tired, and she's cutting a molar, so that's probably most of the reason why she's so cranky.

I'm good, I'm loving not being at work, and enjoying all the family time. I am hoping to get a chance to upload all my pictures before I head back home, so those of you who have me on Facebook can check them all out, because unless there is a Christmas Miracle, I am going home a a dead computer. Morgan is out golfing today with my Uncle, so he's having fun. He's not really used to all the family around(considering he doesn't see his own family much) but he loves all the food, and can't stand Mackenzie being so grumpy.

All in all things are great, and I guess that the next few days will be even better!

The Toddler World

2009-12-14T15:39:00.001-08:00

If you refer to some definitions that say a baby becomes a toddler when they start walking then I guess Mackenzie has been a toddler for a while(since about 10 1/2 months). Though as much as I agree with that I think there are many other milestones that come with being a toddler, the most important being the first birthday. You can check this out to read more about toddler's and their milestones!

So far I LOVE being the mother of a toddler! I know it hasn't really been that long but even over the past couple of weeks I have noticed many new developments for Mackenzie, many of them being emotional. I love the little person she is becoming and I don't really miss the baby she was. Baby's are alot of work, and I don't want to spend any time wishing she was little again, I want to enjoy right now because it's SO much fun.

Mackenzie's doing great with the 3 bottles thing, and she's eating alot more solids which I am very excited about. I figure over the next couple of months we will work on getting her off bottles all together and on only sippys. I've heard some people say that they are concerned that she would need more milk than that but her Doctor said as long as we are offering her milk to drink we don't have to worry that she isn't going to be getting enough milk. Honestly, when I see older kids still on bottles who drink milk all the time, I think it has a little to do with the parent's not taking the time to really push solids with their kids. It really is more work to plan and prepare an entire day of food and snacks for a toddler than it is to wash and make bottles. WAY MORE WORK!

Emotionally, Mackenzie is very clearly a little girl now. She is learning more and more each day how to get attention without being whiny or clingy. Lately, she has taken up sitting and cuddling to watch TV which she had never really done before. I love it! I would much rather her sit with my on the couch and cuddle, than whine and cry for me to pick her up when I am trying to do something else. Slowly we are making it back to 12 hour a night sleeps too, which is very exciting for me! When I night weened her we lost our 12 hour sleeps, and I had been told there was a good chance we would get them back eventually and we are. Now, the last 2 hours of her sleep have been cuddling in bed with me, but I am okay with that. I am not totally against co-sleeping, and even then if it is used in moderation with independent sleep, I think it can actually be more beneficial for both baby and parents than just independent sleep.

Mackenzie's vocabulary is growing too! She has added nanight(night, night) to her vocabulary. She understands so many things now, and can even follow directions. I can ask her to go get things for me, or to go find something and she does. She basically understands all the words that go with her care and play. She can say Mama, Daddy, Done, Hi, No, without being prompted and occasionally she will throw in a buba , aunty, or kitty.

Even her social skills are growing fast. When we were at the Doctor's office the other day she walked up to another little girl and said hi! Too cute! Lately, she has a few social gatherings that she has done exceptionally well at! She just carries on as her independent little self! She is still a little scared of the over thirty crowd, but I figure when she gets a little more time with that age group she'll get over it!

I know there are many, many more milestones that are going to come in the next few years, and I look forward to every single one. Even the temper tantrums, and the need for persistent discipline. We hopped off the baby train and onto the toddler train and we're heading straight full steam ahead! I am sure eventually, I will think back and be like "Oh, I miss having a baby" but no worries, when that day comes I'll just have another!

Weekend Update

2009-12-14T12:34:00.000-08:00

I only had to work one day this weekend which is both relieving and frustrating. We went to celebrate Kenzie's BFF's Birthday on Saturday and had a great time. Mackenzie did much better than I expected her too considering the party went right through nap time, though she did spend the rest of the day being extremely tired and cranky, but at least she behaved at the party.

Work was exactly that, work. I like working on Sunday's because I almost always get the 9-5 shift and I like it. The day was filled with more cranky people as usual but that's what Christmas time and snow does to people. Figures.

I could elaborate but I don't really feel like reliving the bad part of work, so I am just going to cut this post short. If Mackenzie behaves, the day will hold one more post on the new found joys of Toddlerhood!!! I am loving being the Mom to a toddler, very much! I'm not even missing the baby stage! Full steam ahead!

Vaccinations

2009-12-14T12:11:00.000-08:00

This Friday Mackenzie received her 12 month shots and check-up as scheduled. As with any shots I am relieved when she wakes up the next day as the same smiling baby. Weird considering my stance of vaccinations. I know. She weighed in at 24 lbs which is less than I thought she would, I expected 25 at least. The Doctor tried to measure her length with no luck, she would just not lay still for him. So we are going on our own upright home measurement which puts her it at 2ft 7 inches tall.

Everything went as expected except we have scheduled her for a flu shot in January, which may be a little shocking for some because until this point we weren't going to have Mackenzie vaccinated. Not to mention that January is a little late for a flu shot, and may even be unnecessary considering the way that H1N1 has been behaving. It's important to remember that I am not the only one making a decision about Mackenzie's health care, and I am not going to fight the battle with Morgan over something that I don't believe is going to hurt her. We had both said that we would discuss it with her Doctor and then make the decision. Her Doctor still believe it is the best thing to do, and we both trust him. I don't believe that having the shot poses any risk to Mackenzie, and while I don't believe today that H1N1 does either, she will still be receiving the shot in January, and Morgan and I will probably also receive our shot's then. A large percentage of my family has been vaccinated at this point, and there is alot of pressure to have Mackenzie vaccinated too, but that was not one of the reason's behind it.

I am still unsure about what the new year is going to hold for Mackenzie as far as child care goes, but I may end up putting her into daycare, and given that I do I would prefer she would of had her shot.

Next Stages

2009-12-07T14:54:00.001-08:00

Now that all the fun exciting celebrating is over, I really need to start thinking about what should be coming next developmentally and what I can do to encourage Mackenzie to continue to grow and develop at a rate suitable for a toddler her age. There are many stages that she should soon be outgrowing and ones she should be growing into. I always see Mom's who have 5 year old's doing things that two year old's shouldn't be doing, and all I can think is " Wow, you sure missed that window of opportunity didn't you ". I know it sounds bad, but I can relate to how those things happen. You get busy, and you just do what you've always done and before you know it you realize you have a four year old who drinks bottles, wears diapers, uses a soother and gets pushed around in a stroller. Now I know every circumstance is different, it's just important to me that I don't get too caught up in the day to day, that I don't think about the future. I think it is important to stay on top of those things, so you don't miss any windows of opportunity. We all know the older children get the more stubborn they become, and there are a few things I would like to rid Mackenzie of before we get there.

Yesterday, at 12 months 4 days Mackenzie was still being bottle fed formula only. Yes, she has had whole milk countless times but ALWAYS out of a sippy. She likes milk, but not enough to use that as the only incentive to get off the bottles. Now, I don't want anyone to think that my intention is to ween her from bottles completely already, because I don't (though I do hope that by her 2nd birthday all her milk will come from some sort of sippy or cup). My goal right now is to get her from 6 bottles a day to 3, which may seem like a big leap but considering she is going to be offered milk from a sippy(or juice or water) in between all those bottles, I think it is reasonable. Of those 3 bottles, two will be whole milk and one will be formula, and I'd like to continue with one bottle of formula until she is off bottles completely. I know that is going to be dependant on whether or not she continues to take the formula, but I've only thought about that to prepare myself for the scenario. My reasons for wanting one serving of formula a day are simple, I want to make sure she is getting the nutrition she needs, and I don't want to be feeding her whole milk before bed because I feel it is too heavy to drink and then sleep.

As for a plan on how exactly I am going to get her down to only 3 bottles. I haven't put too much thought into it and I don't think I will until I reach some sort of resistance. Her new favorite thing to do is drink out of a straw so I am going to be replacing every 2nd bottle with water for a week and offer her milk from a new sippy with a straw instead. If she doesn't ween those bottles of water by herself then I will stop offering them all together and only offer only the sippy with milk. Her solid intake is usually based on the amount of milk she is drinking so I don't think there will be a problem taking out bottles and replacing them with a meal and a half serving of milk. Whole milk doesn't offer much nutrition as it is so I am going to let her intake be guided by her, if she only needs 2 bottles of whole milk a day, then fine. If she wants multiple servings from a cup that is fine too as long as she doesn't cut her solid intake I won't fight it. My perception is that the switch to whole milk may cause her to want to drink more which is why I think leaving the bottles in the schedule and simply replacing them with water which I am hoping allow me to beef up her solid intake.

Potty training has been put on a temporary hold just to try and get a handle on the bottle situation and then we will go back to working on the training on the big girl toilet. I don't foresee any changes in how sleep is going. I will just cross my fingers and hope that things will continue the way that they have been going. Mackenzie sleeps with a blankie and at this point in time I don't see an age for discouraging her from using it. Today, I am happy to say that at 1 year old, Mackenzie falls asleep in her own bed alone where she stays for the entire night. She has been night weened completely and does not use a soother. Before she was born these were all things I had hoped for and they are actually reality. For me that is mostly a testament to my consistency and commitment for those goals. Call me old fashioned but so far so good.

Party Time - Baby Style

2009-12-07T12:31:00.001-08:00

Mackenzie's Birthday party went great, I really couldn't have asked for much more from her! She was totally content eating popcorn twists and playing with her friends. It was really a baby party, and I loved it. All the babies playing nice together making a mess with toys everywhere. Awesome!

We had little babies, big babies, and big kids there. Everyone got along well and filled there tummy's with food! No balloons got popped and no one really cried too much. Mom's and Dad's socialized and by all accounts seemed to have a good time. We were missing Makayla, Mackenzie's half sister but that's life I guess.

At first Mackenzie was too much into the cake eating at first, until I gave her a spoon that it. Then she proceeded to devour the cake for the next 20 minutes, making such a mess that her first stop was the bathtub. She got all clean and changed and then came back to spend more time playing with her friends! Love it!

Lily, Mackenzie's BFF was there and she was hamming it up like her cute little self in her pretty dress. Lily and Mackenzie are 17 days apart though you can't really tell. Lily's party is this coming Saturday and I bet Kenzie would be excited if she knew it was coming.

All in all, I'd have to say it was great 1st birthday party. I wanted it to be a children's affair and that's exactly what it was. Kenzie had fun, and so did her little friends and that's all I needed for it to be a success. A great celebration to commemorate the first 12 months of my beautiful daughter's life. I look forward to next year when we can start to have some games and stuff at her next party.

Happy Birthday Mackenzie!

2009-12-04T14:33:00.001-08:00

Mackenzie is officially 1 year old, not today, yesterday. I am a day late but no big deal here! I could probably go on and on about the last year and how it has gone faster than I could have imagined, and how special Mackenzie is, how she is everything I could have ever hoped for. Instead, I am going to keep it short because I don't have much time, or energy right now. Mackenzie's party is tomorrow, and with that, Christmas shopping and working, I have been a busy Mama lately. So I am grateful for being blessed with such a wonderful baby girl, and I wish nothing but health and happiness for her in the future. She is perfect just the way she is and I can't wait for the chance to tell her that over, and over again as each year passes.

Here's a little something I wrote for her yesterday and hope to do one for her every year -

M - Messy (always making a mess faster than I can clean it)

A -Active(doesn't matter if you're awake or sleeping, you are almost always moving or talking)

C - Creative (you are set on finding the strangest ways to do things)

K - Kicker(the last year has been filled with more kicks than the first year in my belly)

E - Entertaining (watching you is the best form of free entertainment)

N - Natural Humour (you find your own little ways to be funny)

Z - Zealous (not many words start with Z but it describes you perfectly)

I - Independent (and strong-willed just like your Mama)

E - Energetic (if only Mama had as much energy as you)

P.S. The party is tomorrow so the plan is to either post some pictures here, or at least a link to Facebook where you can check them out! I'm so excited!

Just a Rant

2009-11-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

Have you ever have the privilege of using a self-checkout at a store before? Superstore? Canadian Tire?

If you are thinking, oh those machines I hate those machines! I'm sorry, but you have one of these problems.
a) you've never had someone explain the simple concept of the machine to you.
b)you have absolutely NO grasp of the work of a cashier or a bag person
c) you don't know how to use computer technology
d) you are STUPID

I love self-checkout machines. Whether I am using them or running them I think they are perfect. Most of the time I find the cashier at stores kind of stupid and find myself wanting to just do it myself, so self-checkouts are the perfect solution. I do have an advantage because I know cashier work and I have done it in more than one environment. My second advantage would have to be my rare sense of common sense(yes, I said rare).

We have four groups of people that use the machines at my work. We have the ones who like me, love the machines and wish they were everywhere. We have the people who have no idea how to use the machines, but don't want to wait so they make an effort, and get out of there eventually. Then we have the people who say "No, I hate those machines" and "You know if you like those machines too much then one day you are going to be out of a job". I hate that because unless we are going to spend time educating the population on how to be smart that will NEVER happen. I really feel like saying "it's okay I understand we can't all actually use our brains". If you've worked with the public you understand that there are alot more stupid people in the world than there are smart people. Mean? Maybe but the truth hurts.

Lastly, I'll explain the fourth group of people that use the machines. Children. It's amazing how children today can walk up to the machine, follow the simple instructions and complete the purchase quite easily. Most of these children's parents barely speak English yet there own children can manage the machines flawlessly. This just shows me not only the growing intelligence of parts of our populations(survival of the fittest) but also the strength of western education. If our kids can demonstrate common sense, reading skills, and computer literacy then good for us. If our adults can't well then we best just keep going what we are doing.

P.S. At this rate this post is only going to be one of many on my struggles and enlightenment's from working in customer service. Sheesh, I have one more already going in my brain already.

Working Mama - Tired Mama

2009-11-29T21:11:00.001-08:00

This weekend was much longer than the last, and much more sleep deprived too! For me, the most surprising part about being back at work, is the feeling of accomplishment I feel. Before, looking after Mackenzie, for sure it was work. When I was able to finish several other task during the day I would feel like I had accomplished alot. I felt as if I was pulling my weight, on all aspects. Now that I add working in the the mix, I am much more proud of myself. I manage working with all my other tasks, and I still come home and take care of Mackenzie 100%. All the things I did for 11 months because Morgan was working and I wasn't(well that's half the reason), I still do all those things now. I really do feel like a Super Mom at times, I didn't realize how much I was capable of, and I couldn't be more impressed with myself. If ever I felt like I didn't do enough, those days are long gone. I feel as if I do enough now for two parents, and I could handle the weight of a full time job no problem. Not saying I want to go back to work full time, I just don't have to wonder anymore if I could do it because I know I could. I can work back to back shifts with only 4 hours sleep, and still put in 100% effort both at work, and at home with Kenzie. I feel like a hero. My own personal hero, but whatever.

P.S. For some people these things may not seem like a big deal, but before Mackenzie I spoiled myself. I slept a minimum 12 hours each night. I would put 100% in at work but the rest of my life didn't require too much effort. The only other obligations I had were my personal and social ones. I'm not spoiled anymore, and I am coping exceptionally. If its not a big deal to you, then lucky for you, but it is for me. So please, don't burst my bubble. Thanks.

The Wiggles

2009-11-26T15:48:00.000-08:00

I would consider myself lucky that we made it 11 months without having to be put through the discomfort of The Wiggles. I just never put the show on and Mackenzie never came across it. I really felt good about it, because if she doesn't know she likes it than I don't feel bad not letting her watch it.

There is just something a little creepy about grown men singing songs and dancing around as entertainment for a child. No? What about this -

It's at least a little bit creepy, right?

I don't know maybe it is just me (Oh wait everyone in my house thinks this show is creepy).

Unfortunately, Mackenzie has discovered the show, and she actually loves it. She dances, and tries to sing along. I know what you must be thinking, she's only a baby just don't put the show on and then you don't have to watch it and she won't know the difference. While this is true, I just don't think its right to keep her from watching it just because I have issues with the show. It's not like its going to corrupt her mind or damage her or anything. Though I do wonder what if she learns that strange men are okay because they sing and dance on TV, not a lesson I'm eager for her to learn. Paranoid? Maybe.

I also think sometimes about how embarrassing it must be to be a grown man and work on a show like that. I wonder what other men their age think about them? I wonder what they say when they sit around and talk to their male friends about work? The money must make up for some of the embarrassment though, because really they are probably making way more money than they would be if they had different jobs. Still doesn't take away from the awkwardness for me. Somehow just sitting and watching the show is unsettling to me. That could be a little because they aren't the most average looking men I've seen. Honestly, they are kind of hard to look at. Except maybe the guy in yellow, but he doesn't creep me out less or anything. Not to mention he isn't even a member of the current Wiggles band.

Reading all about the wiggles on Wikipedia allowed me to see them more as people as less as creepy men have a band that markets to children. Though I should say that it is only really my rational mind that feels this way, my instinct still says creepy.

Excitement...

2009-11-24T15:24:00.000-08:00

I am so excited for Kenzie's birthday party. Mostly because I can't wait to see all of our family and friends that we haven't seen in a while. I'm a little worried as to how she will react to all the stranger's but whatever, it's her party and she can cry if she wants to! She is usually really good with younger people(being anyone under 30) and kids and babies of course, but she does get a little weird around older people. I figure that is mostly because she doesn't see that many old people regularily.

I still have a lengthy to-do list if you include all the Christmas stuff that I have left to do, but as far as the stuff before the party goes I only have a few things left. Here's my list -

Buy one more present for Kenzie's friend Lily, who's party is on Dec.12th
Wrap one more present for her friend Alexys, who's party we can't attend :(
Confirm/Pick up the cake for Kenzie's party.(We will be buying one cake for the guests and making another for Kenzie to mess around in.)
Clean my house from top to bottom before the party, and organize furniture to fit all the guests better.
Write a food list, and buy all the things on the list. (This will actually be a short list since, my Aunt, my Grandma, and my Great Aunt will all be bringing some party food with them. I love them!)
Blow up the balloons, set up decorations, and make Kenzie's cake.

I actually think that is everything, so thus far I am doing pretty good at getting everything done. That is a short list so I will have no problem fitting all those things into my schedule.

Weekend Update

2009-11-23T15:50:00.000-08:00

Another weekend down, and I am so exhausted I could have slept all day today. No joke. I only got about half the sleep I would have usually gotten in three days so I really feel like I need to catch up.

Friday was typical, I went to work, I came home, went to bed. The usual. Kenzie slept pretty good on Friday night, so I was rested for Saturday. Saturday morning, I got up with Mackenzie like usual, then I got ready to work and started by 10:30 and worked until about 6(even though my schedule said 7 they let us leave early). Then Morgan and I went to the Canadian Tire Christmas party, all in all I had a good time but like any Christmas party there was one person who was too drunk and made more than an ass of themselves. Thankfully, it wasn't Morgan or I! I did get sucked into the drunk person's wrath though! So after dinner was served and people were mingling and dancing, I went and sat in her chair while she was dancing so I could talk to the other people at the table. When she came back from dancing instead of being mature and civilized (like most people in their late 40's/50's) she started in on how I stole her chair, blah, blah, blah. She was literally right in my face, like nose to nose. Then she realized that a bottle of Canadian on the table was empty, so she started in on how my full Budweiser must be her beer, and how I stole her beer. Ugh. If you know me the LAST thing I need to do is steal someones beer, and I wouldn't be drunk enough for it to happen on accident(I haven't been drunk since last years Christmas party). All she did was prove herself to be even more of an ass than I already thought she was. I don't know how most people would react in that situation but when someone gets in my face like that I don't just avoid eye contact and back off. Instead, I said something. I told her to go have another fucking drink, and I left her chair. Why I wanted to sit in the chair of someone so stupid? I don't know, her stupidity might rub off on me or something. For me that would have been the end of the story, but for someone that drunk it was only beginning. For the next hour she went around talking to others telling them what a bitch I was and how I stole her beer, blah, blah, blah. Mostly she was just making more of an ass out of herself, but whatever, it's not like I haven't been called a bitch before, but she wasn't finished yet. When they were calling numbers and giving out gifts she just had to look me right in the face and call me a "fucking fat bitch". For me it took all my being to restrain myself from getting into the fact that I am fat because I had a baby. What's her excuse for being ugly and inappropriate and embarrasing us all? Honestly, my feelings were hurt, mostly because I've never been called fat by someone in before in anger. Yes, I know I am fat but really, that's low. I got fat from bringing new life into the world, and well, I just haven't made the time to lose the weight yet. Even then, I'm not that fat. To me fat is obese, overweight doesn't qualify someone as fat, that's just not right.

I have issues with the fact that the people I work for let her carry on like that as drunk as she was. I also have issues with the fact that unless I bring the incident up, it will never be spoken about amongst management. Yes, I know we weren't at work, but I just believe that people should be held to some level of accountability at social work functions. I think the tasteful thing to do would have been to ask her to leave when she showed up wasted, instead of allowing her to be the laughing stock of the party. Clearly tasteful behaviour wasn't a prerequisite for being there, but it should have been. I haven't really decided whether or not I am going to bring the issue up to her when I see her, but the GM and the manager both know about what happened. If I said something to her she would probably carry on about how she didn't say that, blah, blah, blah. We all know she would be too drunk to remember anyways. Morgan and I left after the fat bitch comment, not solely because of that but I was put off and didn't really feel like being there anymore. So like a responsible adult, I was tactful and did my best to leave with dignity. The worst part about the whole thing, is that the lady was older than my mother and still carried on like a 18 year old Surrey tramp.

Anyways, Morgan and I made it home from the party with a glass bake ware set, and a spice rack (WOOHOO). We were asleep by 1 but Mackenzie was up numerous times that night, and we had to be up at 7 again with her and we both had to work. I barely had 6 hours sleep, but I'm a Mom so it didn't really phase me at work, I put in my 5 hours, and then I started in on my list of things to do. My Mom had brought Mackenzie to my work so her and I could spend a little bit of time together considering Morgan and I had the hockey game to go too, and we would miss bedtime for the third night. I managed to get all the birthday present shopping done(Kenzie, and two of her little friends) then I managed to get all the decorations, things for gift bags, and all the other little things like plates and plastic cutlery, etc. Everything I had on my list finished! I still need a few more things, like party food and to pick up the cake, etc. but all that stuff doesn't need to be done until a few days before the party. I feel ready and accomplished, no birthday party stress here!

Morgan and I didn't end up going to the hockey game but we didn't figure that out until the last minute. We both missed Kenzie too much and she really wasn't feeling well, and was screaming when we called so we just went home to her instead. I had a very busy weekend, so I look forward to the next few days with my baby girl who isn't going to be a baby for very much longer(10 days to be exact).

Busy vs. BUSY

2009-11-20T09:24:00.000-08:00

I hate being BUSY!

There are two different ways you can be busy. There is the one baby busy where your day is full of things to do just including baby care. From morning wake up till bed the day is full of things you need to do for them, from making bottles to feeding meals, to playing games, and cuddling. That kind of busy I can handle my days go fast and I don't have that many other looming responsibilities to make my day extra BUSY. Yes, I have work three days a week, and I have emotional commitments to several people other than Mackenzie. I have many different hats that I wear, and I manage that stuff fine without every feeling that BUSY.

The second type of busy, is best written like this BUSY. When you are that type of busy, you have your normal family obligations, and work or school whichever. Then you add lists of other things that you must do before a certain date, and you have the type of BUSY I hate. I hate feeling like I am being pulled in 20 different directions, and I hate having to put my main priorities(my family) on the back burners to get those things done.

Sure, some people like having outside obligations and they like that feeling of BUSY, but me? If my reasons for feeling busy concern anything other than my family obligations(this includes work because I work for money and money is for my family) I get annoyed.

So that is how I feel today, and the busiest parts of my day(and weekend) haven't even started yet.

Asshole of the Day

2009-11-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

Guess who's the asshole of the day? ME!

You may be wondering why, so here goes. I forgot to tell Morgan "Happy Birthday" until almost 9am, long after he had left for work. I feel like such an ass. I didn't exactly forget today was his birthday, I just didn't realize that today was the 19th until, well, it was a little late. I didn't miss the whole day or anything but I did let him head off to work without telling him how much I love him, and wishing him a good day. I feel like the biggest jerk to ever live, but don't worry I am already scheming the perfect plan to make it up to him.

Starting by taking a moment to say that 31 years ago today, an amazing person was born. A person whom I have had the joy of meeting and having in my life. With everything there are ups and downs, but I can honestly say that my life is happier for simply having met Morgan.

So I will say it again just for good measure.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MORGAN(DADDY)!

KENZIE AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF US!

2009-11-18T15:12:00.000-08:00

This is just meant to be a quick post because I have tons of stuff to do while Mackenzie naps, and since she's not actually asleep yet, I've decided to blog in the meantime. Really she's overtired so she's laying down in her crib fussing and fussing. I hate when that happens but I was busy in her room and needed her to stay awake, and now I am paying the price. Oh and an overtired teething baby means twice the battle. Ugh.

Anyways, I was wondering if anyone had any opinions about a potty vs. a toilet? I have bought Mackenzie a potty and we had been working on getting her comfortable sitting on it with her clothes on, but after a few weeks I found that we had made no progress as far as sitting without a diaper was concerned. After a huge dramatic potty tantrum that resulted in two drops of pee in the potty and the rest on the carpet, I decided that maybe I should retire the potty for a while and work with the big toilet. Surprisingly, we have had much better results(half a BM in the toilet, the other half 5 minutes later in her diaper) and I'm not sure why. I'm thinking maybe its because she sees everyone else go on the big toilet, or maybe the little potty hurts her little bum, I'm not sure. All I know is that I am seriously considering tossing out the potty all together and working with just the big toilet. At first I had liked the idea of a potty being able to be central in the living room. More accessible, and convenient for Mackenzie and I, but now I just don't think its the best idea.

Has anyone read anything about a potty vs. a toilet? Success? No success? Just curious.

P.S. I'm really not crazy for setting the stage for potty training now. Really.

Weekend Update

2009-11-16T14:57:00.000-08:00

This weekend didn't go exactly as planned as far as work goes.

So on Thursday night I realized that I was supposed to call during the week to find out my shifts because I hadn't been added to the schedule yet. Well by the time I called that night, the GM had already gone home. I was told to assume I wasn't working Friday or Saturday because I wasn't on the schedule. At first I was a little disappointed because that is two shifts less that I would have on my cheque. Then I was happy that I would get to spend the weekend with Mackenzie, which is always a plus! Of course, I ended up getting called last minute on Friday morning, and we had both girls and plans for the day. UGH. Needless to say by noon I had decided to go in just so I could get a few more hours. Saturday I got the same call, but by then already had cemented plans and going in wasn't really an option but I did get the option to come in on Sunday which was appreciated. So really I went from expecting to work 3 days to only working a day and a half. HALF COMPLAINING, HALF HAPPY.

At some point this weekend Mackenzie cut her 7th tooth. No one noticed which is a good sign considering how hard most of her other teeth were.

Next weekend may be a little bit harder on us all. I am supposed to work an evening shift on Friday which means I won't be home for bed. POOR KENZIE. Saturday I have to work a day shift and then we have the CT Christmas party to go to, so I will miss another bed time. Oops. Then comes Sunday and while I don' t think I work, Morgan and I do have tickets for the Canucks VS. Chicago game and that means I will miss another bed time. I'm sad about it but there are two outcomes. It will either go splendidly and Kenzie will hardly notice we are gone, or she will have a huge fit and a very restless sleep. I am hoping for the first, even though that will mean she doesn't really NEED me anymore. Bittersweet but I can handle it. I THINK.

Another Weekend

2009-11-12T17:38:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I head back to work for another 3 days. Part of me is really dreading it and the other part is excited for payday when I can go and buy Mackenzie's B-day presents and all the decorations and junk for her PARTY! Whenever I think about how much I hate having to go to work I just remind myself that the only reason I am working is so I can buy extras for Mackenzie. With her birthday and Christmas coming up it will be nice to have the extra money to buy her whatever I want without having to worry that things will be tight.

With work and her birthday party, and her friend's birthday parties, and our work Christmas party, and the hockey game tickets we have, and going away for Christmas. The next 8 weeks of my life are going to be pretty hectic. I just hope that we can keep Mackenzie on enough of a routine so that we can continue to get some sleep at night, though I won't be holding my breath. She has many changes that are going to be coming about in her life, and I guess that's normal for any baby approaching their first birthday. My priority is still Mackenzie, so as long as I keep it that way I am sure she will fair just fine. It's good for her to be away from me, it allows her to be more independent and to cement relationships with other people in her life. Or at least that is what I tell myself!

Douche of the Day

2009-11-11T17:42:00.000-08:00

If you didn't already know that Jon Gosselin is a douche, you will once you check out this video. Honestly, I just wish he knew that he should actually do all those things that he did in this video IRL. Either way, it's good for a laugh.

Jon Gosselin Goes Back in Time from Jon Gosselin - Video

Lest we forget...

2009-11-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

In Flanders Fields
By: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

This poem is the most memorable thing I have from Remembrance Day as a child and it will always have a place in my heart. It is easy to go through today not really thinking about the importance it has, but if you do I have no doubt that your heart will be moved. The past cannot be changed and lives cannot be brought back but if the families of those lost can have some peace today, and we can be grateful for what has been sacrificed for us, then it will be a good day.

Seth Macfarlane

2009-11-10T13:53:00.000-08:00

I am a big Family Guy fan and even a bigger Seth Macfarlane fan. Inappropriate? Yes. Funny? Yes

Here is a clip from an interview with Seth on Nightline, I found it very interesting and felt like sharing it with you.

Sleep...

2009-11-09T16:04:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have done a sleep update. Most people who know me personally know exactly what sleep is like in our house. There are some who wish sleep was the same at their house and other's who can't understand how we made it through CIO to get to where we are today. So this post is meant to be an update and a success story for anyone who is considering trying CIO.

A typical day of sleep in our house goes like this :

6-8am Mackenzie wakes up she plays in her bed until I get the motivation to get up and get her.
9-10am I put Mackenzie down for her first nap, she either lays right down and goes to sleep or plays around until she falls asleep. If she whines its for 5 minutes max, no tears, no crying. Her first nap is usually between 1 and 2 1/2 hours long.
3pm I put Mackenzie down for her second nap, same as the first no crying no tears, she settles herself and goes to sleep.
8pm Our bedtime routine starts. Bath, Book, Bottle, Bed.
8:30 - 9pm I put Mackenzie down, she rolls over and goes to sleep. I don't hear from her until at least 6am the next morning. No bottles, no waking that needs assistance, and no crying.

I really couldn't ask for much more as far as sleep is concerned. I think she is doing great for a baby her age, and I am both proud and surprised at the level of her Independence. If you are a regular reader or a friend you know this took a ton of work but the rewards make it worth it. While some people want their baby to stay a baby, and other's want to feel like the baby always needs them, or they think they shouldn't push the child, that is fine but that isn't me. I plan to have other children, and I want them all to be independant little people just like I want them to be independent adults but I think it is even more important for a first born to be independent. Today, Mackenzie has the skills to tell me she's ready for sleep and she's even happy about being put to bed. Success.